Maintaining Conscious Thought
by Storm-and-Faith
Summary: A story about Katie, and Oliver, and why nothing ever turns out how you want it to. PoA compatible.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I wrote this a while back and forgot to post it … lmao. So, here it is. Back to good old OliverKatie. Seems a lot of people have forgotten about them, sadly. Well, I haven't:D x

Maintaining Conscious Thought

"Don't yell at me, Wood!!"

"Get off this pitch now!! If you don't, I'm getting McGonagall-!"

"Get her for all I care!!"

"Stop fighting with me Bell! It won't be good for your report if I tell McGonagall-!"

"She doesn't scare me!!"

"I've seen your mum mad, Bell. I'm sure she won't be too happy-!"

"I'm sure she'll understand how much of a _prick_ you're being!!"

"_Get off this pitch, Bell!!!_ You're the one who's being _totally _unreasonable about all of this, now off-!!"

"Get to hell, Wood! I'm not moving! I've done nothing wrong!!" My voice broke. I almost cried. But I kept up my defiant stature against Oliver in the middle of the Quidditch pitch, our friends all around us.

"You're yelling at me for telling you to do something differently!! You're defying me; the captain of this bloody team-!" He looked furious. I stood my ground, glaring up at him with the fiercest eyes.

"I've done nothing wrong." My voice was hollow, but steady. I tried as hard as I could not to cry. But my hardest just wasn't good enough. A single angry tear fell, and I ran out of the pitch.

I skidded into the changing rooms, furiously wiping my eyes free of tears. I was angry at myself for showing weakness.

Oliver Wood. Utter idiot. Totally obsessive and hurtful. No understanding for the need humans have for sleep. Has an anger problem. Completely closed off, and gives nothing away to anyone – not even his closest friends. And I _hate _him.

I kicked a bench, heading for my locker at the end of the team room, close to the showers. My Quidditch robes were splattered with mud from the hour and a half training time I'd attended. I shrugged them off, leaving my clothes I wore for training on.

I slammed my fist into my locker, and it opened. I grabbed my bag from it, and sat on the bench, pulling out a roll of parchment and a quill. I scribbled a note to Oliver.

_Wood, _

_This letter is to inform you that I am handing in my resignation to the Gryffindor House Quidditch Team. _

_My reason? You._

_Bell._

I decided to explain to the others too. I pulled out another roll of parchment.

_Angelina, Alicia, Fred, George and Harry,_

_This letter is to explain why I had to hand in my resignation to the team._

_First and foremost, I'm sorry for leaving in the middle of the season. I'm sure you'll find a good replacement, that will be much better than me at following Wood's instructions and not take offence to him yelling at them non stop for hours on end._

_Secondly, I have to say I didn't want to leave the team – Wood gave me no choice, and I can't take the stresses anymore. I wish I had the willpower, but I just can't do it. _

_And thirdly, I hate him. Give him a good battering from me, twins._

_I'm sorry._

_Katie x_

I stood and placed the letters on the bench, side by side, the first addressed to Oliver, the second addressed to the others.

I picked up my bag and robes, and headed out of the door towards the castle. As soon as I reached outside, I collapsed against the wall and slid down it, my eyes welling up with tears once more. I drew my knees up to my chest and put my forehead on them, sobbing quietly, dropping my bag.

I really didn't want to leave the team.

And I wouldn't have if Oliver hadn't been so … so … _Oliver_. I really can't stand the boy anymore.

I heard a door bang open, and voices.

"D'you think Katie went back up to the castle?" George's voice asked.

"Probably. She looked pretty mad – what are they?" Angelina's voice said. I presumed they had found the letters.

"One is addressed to us. Open it, Fred." Alicia's voice verified my presumption.

There was a pause, the Fred said, "She's resigned," in a hollow voice. "Oliver!! Get your idiotic ass in here!!"

"What?" Oliver's voice snapped. There was a rustling of paper. "She can't … she can't! Is she still here?"

"No. She isn't in the showers," Alicia answered.

"This is you're fault, Oliver. We'll end up losing the Cup again!" Angelina shouted angrily.

"Calm down. She can't do this. I'm sure of it …"

"You'd better be darned sure, Oliver, or I might have to do something rash." Angelina was getting angrier by the second.

"Don't threaten me, Angelina, or I may have to be two Chasers short."

"Don't fight with Ange too, Oliver! That's already lost you one Chaser tonight. We can't afford to lose another," George said.

"What are we going to do?" Harry asked, speaking for the first time.

"Get Kates back … or … or find another Chaser," Oliver said so quietly, I had to strain to hear him.

Silently, I got up from my position on the ground, and made my way back up to the castle, strangely happy with the fact that I made Oliver Wood nervous, and unhappy.

&&&&&&&&&&&&

I sat in the library, three days after leaving the team. I found that I had much more time now, and I could do my homework properly, rather than the usual rushed job I did at it. I was enjoying my extra time. I was missing the team terribly though. I hadn't spoken to them since, and I don't think I can. I feel too guilty, leaving them with two games left in the season, and only two Chasers. I have no doubt Wood will find a replacement, but it takes time to find one, and then they won't be properly trained for the next game. And the next game was against Ravenclaw – They were a smart bunch, on and off the pitch.

I scribbled some warbled words on my History of Magic essay.

It wasn't like I didn't love Quidditch. I really did. In fact, it was my only outlet from schoolwork. I just couldn't take Oliver yelling at me anymore … I hate people yelling at me. Especially when … well … when Oliver yells at you, it's completely different. He makes everything seem so heartfelt, and it somehow hurts more.

I scribbled some more words.

Everything's always worse when Oliver's involved.

I slammed the History of Magic book shut in front of me, earning a fierce glare from Madame Pince. Hurriedly, I collected my things and rushed out of the library, in fear of being stared down by the librarian.

I sighed and hitched my bag further up my shoulder, closing the library door quietly behind me.

The team were practicing just now at the pitch. They hadn't found a replacement for me yet, but carried on practicing anyway. That was Oliver though; nothing could stop him when Quidditch was concerned.

I sighed again, heading down a staircase to the third floor.

I realised, all too late, that I had no friends without Quidditch. The team are all older than me, bar Harry who is a year younger. I don't see them much now … they might be avoiding me of course … but I thought they might understand … I knew Oliver wouldn't.

I was so sick of Oliver.

He made me so angry … so _frighteningly_ angry, sometimes I just couldn't control it. I just wanted to yell and shout until he finally shut up, for _once_ in his stupid little life. It made me so mad that he had no idea about anything other than a stupid, pointless game.

And he also makes me think. Which hurts my head.

Oliver headaches. Gah.

I rubbed my temples, and continued walking up the staircase for the fourth floor.

None of my friends had even _tried _talking to me, which worried me, because, of course, they would be angry at me if they really were avoiding me, and that also therefore meant that I had absolutely no friends what-so-ever.

I stopped on the fifth floor and leant against a wall close to the Transfiguration classroom.

I had no friends.

I almost cried. Really hard. It was pretty heartbreaking, and I could do nothing about it. Well, I could … I could make more friends … but I want my old friends back …

I suddenly missed them a hell of a lot.

I must have looked so pathetic leaning on that wall, close to tears, lamenting about lost friends. I hate feeling like I'm lost, but that's exactly how I felt. I felt lost without Quidditch, and that makes me sick to the stomach with myself. I've let a sport rule my life for two years. That's just a little sad.

I stood up straight, and ran up the remaining two sets of staircases, and along the corridor to the Fat Lady. I muttered the password, and climbed inside, entering the Gryffindor common room.

I glanced around the warm, homely room. To the armchairs by the fire, to the tables and chairs at the back. No one I knew seemed to be there. I headed up the girls dormitory stairs. As I reached my dorm, I saw that the door was slightly open. I pushed it open wide, and saw Oliver sitting on my bed, talking to Alicia and Angelina, who were sitting on the floor. None of them looked around, and I stepped inside.

"What are you guys doing in my room?" I said loudly, making them look up from their quiet conversation.

"Hullo, Katie," Angelina said, and they carried on talking to each other. I raised my eyebrows at them – not that they noticed. I put my hands on my hips, and cleared my throat. They looked up again.

"What?" Alicia asked.

"What are you three doing in my room?" I demanded, glaring at them all.

"We're talking," Angelina answered impatiently.

"In _my_ dorm room?"

"Obviously," Alicia snapped, then turned back to Oliver and Angelina, who were again, in conversation.

"What the fuck is going on?!" I yelled. They all turned to me, mouths slightly open.

"We're talking," Angelina repeated.

"Why are you in here, talking?!"

"Because we need to talk to _you_ Kates … well, _I_ need to talk to you," Oliver said quietly, speaking for the first time. "So, girls, can I talk to Katie now?"

Angelina nodded, and both she and Alicia got up. "Remember what we said, Ol'."

Oliver nodded, and the door shut behind the girls. I stared at him, and he stared at the wall to the left of me. His eyes flickered to me, and he rose from my bed, and made his way to my position in the middle of the room. He stood a few feet away from me.

"_Can_ I talk to you, Kates?" he asked softly, eyes searching mine.

My eyes closed for a second, then I nodded. I walked over to my bed, and he followed, sitting beside me on the four-poster.

"I'm so sorry." He said this simply, and I was sure it was with sincerity. "I don't want you to be off the team, Kates. I feel like I've let you down. In fact, I know I have. You don't deserve to be shouted at during every practice. I want you back."

"What if I don't want to go back?" I said quietly, looking at my fingers on my lap.

"Kates, please come back. We need you. Your team misses you."

"Are you included in that?" I said as I looked straight into his eyes.

He watched me for a second, then nodded. "Of course I am. I miss you, Kates. I miss you a lot."

I shook my head, and looked away. "You miss me because you only have two Chasers, Wood."

"No, Kates." His voice sounded desperate. I turned to him once again. His eyes were soft, and they were looking pleadingly at me.

"It's true, Wood. You only miss me because I'm part of your team."

He shook his head again.

"What, then? Please enlighten me, _Captain_." He visibly winced at the severity of my voice.

"Kates …" He tried to find the right words. Evidently, he didn't find them. He looked at me with sad eyes.

"I love Quidditch, Wood, I really do. But you've ruined that for me, and I hate you for that. I wish you were different. I wish you cared if you overworked your team. I wish you saw the disappointment in our eyes every time we let you down. I wish you would see us for the people we are, rather than the players we are … the player I _was_. But you can't, Wood, and I _hate_ you for it."

I couldn't bear to look at him. My eyes were tearing up as it was, without seeing his face, most likely shocked from what I had voiced.

"Kates, I'm sorry. I'd never want to hurt you…"

"You already have, Wood," I said quietly.

This whole scene was overly dramatic. It was getting ridiculous. And then Oliver made it worse.

He placed his hands on my neck, and he kissed me soundly on the lips. I pulled away, and stared at him incredulously.

"I miss you, Kathryn. I miss _you,_ not just any Chaser." And with that, he gave me a panicked glance and rushed out of the room.

&&&&&&&&&&&&


	2. Chapter 2

Maintaining Conscious Thought

I hadn't left my room since it happened. Since my whole world came crashing down at my feet. Since Oliver Hayden Wood kissed me.

That had been thirty two hours ago.

He didn't do it. He didn't. He can't have. He _can't_ have.

He did.

But why?

I'm so confused.

Why would he do it?

I had thought. I had cried. I had screamed.

I never came up with an answer.

Other than: 'Oliver Wood has gone insane'.

One minute we were fighting, the next, he's kissing me.

In-_bloody_-sane!

A knock. "Kat?"

"Katie?"

I buried myself further into my duvet.

"Kaaatieee?"

"Kathryn Ann Bell! Get out here, _now_!!"

"No …" I said quietly, muffled by the blankets covering me.

"Kates, _please_?"

I started at the last voice which spoke. _Oliver._

I didn't say anything.

"Can we come in, then?" This voice was Alicia's.

Again, I said nothing.

"We're coming in anyway," Angelina said determinedly.

"Guys, just leave me alone," I said uncovering my face so I could speak properly.

"We want you out of that room, Katie," George said.

"_I_ don't want me out of this room, George," I replied.

"We're worried about you, Katie. You haven't eaten …" Fred said.

"I don't need to eat."

Silence.

Well, not so much silence. More, concerned whispering at the other side of the door.

"Kates …" This voice was Oliver's.

"Wood."

He stayed silent.

"Look, Katie, all we want to know is that you're alright for sure. Then, and only then, when we are _positive_ that you're okay, will we leave," Alicia said.

"I'm alright! Honestly, I am, guys."

"We don't believe you. And there's no reason for us to believe you until we see you," Fred said.

I was silent.

"Can't we at least give you the food we brought you, Kat?" George said quietly.

I contemplated this. I _was_ hungry. I sighed. "Fine. _One_ of you. The rest can go."

I didn't need to think on who my friends would send into my room.

"Hey Kates," Oliver said, entering my room, carrying a tray with a bowl on it.

He set the tray down on my dresser.

"It's soup."

"Thanks," I muttered, looking away.

"Kates, I'm sorry …"

I turned my head slowly in his direction. "Whatever for, Wood?" I asked sarcastically.

"You know what for," he said, sitting down on the edge of my bed.

"There's more than one thing you should be apologising for."

"Is there?" He looked at me with faint shock.

"You told them what happened, didn't you?" I accused, glaring at him from beneath my lashes.

"I – I was worried about you, Kates!" he stuttered. "I didn't know what to do ..!"

My eyes flashed, but I said nothing, looking away from him.

"I'm sorry, Kates." He sighed when I didn't reply. "Kates." He touched my arm, but I moved away from him. I turned to look at him, and he looked back with hurt eyes.

I sighed, and closed my eyes. "I hate feeling like this – in fact, I don't even know how I'm feeling. I don't know what to think. Oliver, you scared me."

"I'm sorry." He'd said this so many times, and he looked as though he truly meant it.

"I know," I whispered, opening my eyes to regard him. He was watching me with the most curious expression on his face …

He blinked, and the expression changed as quickly as it had appeared.

"Oliver?" I said hesitantly.

He smiled. "Mmm?"

"Nothing," I said, smiling back.

"So …" he said, after a pause of him looking at me curiously. "Are you sure you're okay?"

I nodded.

"Why have you been up here for so long?"

"I didn't know what else to do," I admitted, looking down.

I heard him laugh slightly. "I didn't know what to do, either. I didn't know whether you'd ever speak to me again, Kates, and that thought alone broke my heart."

It would be mean to snicker right now. I didn't. "Why?" I looked up at him.

"Because …" he said, giving no explanation.

"Right," I said unsurely.

"Kates, can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Why did you leave the team?"

"I was sick of fighting with you," I answered simply.

"Nothing else?"

"I don't think so, Oliver."

"I'm glad you started calling me by my first name," he said, randomly grinning.

I smiled. "And I'm glad you've quit yelling at me."

"And I'm calling you by your first name too."

"We had a strange formality going on before, I guess, Ollie."

"Yeah, we did. But you didn't like me then."

"I still don't." I kept a straight face for a while, looking at Oliver in all seriousness, but I couldn't keep it up. My face broke into a grin, and so did his.

"I thought you were serious!" he laughed slightly.

"I was." I kept a straight face again, but smiled once more, giggling. His face was shocked and still half smiling, so it was all and all a weird expression. "Okay, your face was a picture just there."

"Stop messing with me!" he laughed.

"It's too fun though. I couldn't give it up completely." I grinned at him, and he smiled back.

"Just occasionally, then?"

"Just occasionally," I confirmed, nodding with a smirk.

"So … will you come back to the team?" he asked, looking at me hopefully.

I hesitated before I answered. "Oliver, I'm not sure whether I should …"

"You should. You should. Please, Kates."

"Is this why you came up here? To get me back on the team?" I said, slight anger apparent in my voice.

"No, no, no, no, no, _no_, Kates. I came up here because I was worried about you and wanted to see you. And I wanted you to forgive me, too."

My anger ebbed away very slightly. "How can I forgive you, Oliver? It's been years of fighting and yelling. How am I supposed to forget that?"

"Because you know you should."

His answer threw me off-balance for a second. My words stuck in my throat. He was totally right. I knew I shouldn't hold a grudge, and I knew he didn't really mean to yell, and that he just got frustrated. I sighed.

"I know."

He looked at me for a second, and then smiled slightly. "Does that mean you forgive me, Kates?"

My eyes bore into his for a second, and then I looked away, and muttered, "Yes Oliver. I forgive you."

He beamed his amazing smile, and hugged me to him. His arms wrapped around my waist, and he placed a kiss on my cheek. "You have no idea how much I've wanted to hear those words, Kates." I smiled into his shoulder, my arms snaking around his neck.

"I've missed you, Oliver. No matter if you yelled at me, I still thought of you as one of my friends."

He said nothing to this. I was expertly avoiding the fact that he'd kissed me, and he was letting me skirt that reality easily. I knew it was only a matter of time until he brought it up.

"Am I always just going to be your friend, Kates?" Hurt was apparent in his voice, his arms dropped from my waist, and he pulled away, looking me in the eye.

I stayed silent.

He shifted uncomfortably, then muttered, "I don't _want_ to be just your friend, Kates."

I lay back again, into my pillows. I screwed up my eyes and put my hands over my face. I was close to crying, and I knew it. I did _not_ want to cry. It shows weakness. I. Will. Not. Cry.

I sobbed into my hands. Wimp.

Oliver moved so fast, I didn't think it was possible. He was lying next to me with his arms surrounding me, and my head was resting on his chest, trying to stop my crying.

"I'm sorry, Kates. I didn't mean to make you cry. I'm sorry," he was whispering into my hair. I drew a shuddering breath and reduced my sobbing to hiccoughs.

"If you apologise to me one more time, Oliver …" I warned, then sighed, and moved closer to him, breathing in. He smelled so good, and I instantly relaxed. His hands were rubbing my back, and pushing me even closer to him. His lips came into contact with my temple, and I glanced at him. "Why me, Oliver?" I whispered to him.

He wiped the tears from my cheek with his thumbs, his hands either side of my face. "What do you mean?" he asked, looking startled.

"Why do you like _me_? You could have any girl ... actually, some of the guys too! Why me?" I pulled away from him, looking at him properly.

He smiled faintly. "Because … well … I don't know, Kates. One day I was screaming at you, and I thought to myself, 'God, Wood. Why are doing this?' And then I was thinking why I really did yell at you so much. I guess I was trying to hide how much I liked you. And as you can imagine, that shocked me so much, I intensified how hard I was on you, to try and prove myself wrong, and then … then you quit the team, and I realised how awful I was to you, and how much you didn't deserve it. I tried to put it right, and I messed that up as well. I don't want any girl. And I definitely don't want a guy, Kates. I want you."

His speech robbed me of breath for a second. I couldn't think of what to say to him.

He placed his hand on my arm. "I don't want to lose you, Kates."

I breathed out heavily. "You won't, Oliver."

He smiled a little. "Sure about that?"

"Definitely."

"I'll hold you to that."

"Fine." We both laughed a little.

His arms encircled me again, and he pulled me closer. "I really had thought I'd lost you." He was serious again, and his voice was low, making me shiver. "Are you cold?"

I nodded quickly. I wasn't cold, but if I had said no, he would have guessed why I shivered. He wasn't stupid. He pulled the cover over both of us, and he rubbed my back once again. He was thoughtful, and I liked that. I had never seen this side of Oliver Wood before. In fact, I had to keep reminding myself that it really was Oliver. He usually kept up an 'I don't care about anything but myself and Quidditch' front. It was nice to see he really did care about other things. Namely, me. It was strange to think that he had real feelings for me. In fact, I wasn't sure if I believed him yet.

We stayed, hugging each other, for a long while, both of us ending up breathing at the same time. He was playing with my hair, and I was snuggled against him, so warm and comfortable, I was on the brink of falling asleep.

"Kates?" he said softly, in the low rumble he had used before.

"Mmm?" I said just as softly, fighting back the shiver.

"Do you like me? In a romantic sense, of course."

I hesitated. I didn't know. "I don't know, Ol'."

He nodded understandingly, and I almost melted. He was being so considerate now. I could tell by his eyes that he was thinking very hard about what he was saying.

He was upset that I didn't know whether I liked him or not, but I honestly couldn't give him an answer.

His fingers brushed my hair off of my face. He was looking at me intensely, his eyes not even flickering. He wanted to know an answer so badly, but he didn't want to push me. His eyes were telling me this as clear as a bell. He didn't want to upset me. And he wanted to know how far he could go before I pushed him away again.

His lips grazed my cheek, and his arms tightened around me slightly. His lips edged closer to mine. I knew he was trying really hard not to annoy or upset me. His lips brushed mine once … twice … three times, and then lingered, and I didn't protest. My arms came around his neck, and his arms pulled me closer. The kiss deepened, and I shivered again. He laughed a low laugh, vibrating in his chest, against my mouth, and I smiled. I loved this. I loved it. And I loved the fact that it was Oliver. This thought made me pull away from him, and his eyes averted from my gaze.

"I'm sorry, Kates, I …"

"What did I tell you about saying sorry?" I asked, mock-angrily. He looked up at me, hurt eyes in place. His hand found mine. "Oliver, I -"

"You don't like me."

"I didn't say that."

He looked at me curiously.

"In fact, I was thinking the opposite," I continued with a thoughtful voice.

"So … s-so you do?"

I inclined my head. His face broke into a grin, and his lips found mine again in a sweet kiss.

"Thank you. Oh … my god." We were out of breath, and he was still grinning.

"I should eat something, huh?" I said, looking at the soup next to Oliver on the chest of drawers.

"The soup'll be cold now, Kates. Dinner will be served soon," he said glancing at his watch. "We could go down to the Commons to wait."

I smiled and nodded. He let go of me, and I felt instantly cold. We got out of the bed, and headed down the stairs, hand in hand.

The rest of the team was by the fire, minus Harry, who was in the corner with his friends, the twins' little brother, Ron, and Hermione Granger.

The team looked up as Oliver and I reached the bottom of the stairs. They looked at us questioningly, eyes flicking between our interlinked hands and our faces.

Grins broke out all round.

Oh, Lord.

"Oh my god!!" Alicia squealed.

"Breathe, Leesh," I laughed.

"Got her hooked then, Woody?" Fred asked Oliver, grinning like the maniac he was.

"I'm not sure I understand your meaning of 'hooked', and never call me 'Woody' again," he said, laughing.

"Are you two a couple, then?" Angelina asked excitedly.

Oliver and I glanced at each other.

"Maybe," we answered in unison, then grinned, glancing back at each other again.

His arm settled around my waist, and I leaned into him.

"Awwwh," the four of them gushed. Oliver and I both snickered at the twins, Ange and Leesh.

"You two are gorgeous together!" Alicia grinned, jumped up, and hugged us both. Angelina followed.

"Absolutely _precious_," the twins said, batting their eyelashes, and adopting a tone scarily like Alicia.

We all laughed.

&&&&&&&&&&&&


	3. Chapter 3

Maintaining Conscious Thought

Oliver and I were sitting in the bleachers of the Quidditch pitch, staring out across the pitch. His arm was around me, and I was leaning into him. We were holding a comfortable silence between us, presently. Until Oliver broke it.

"I'm older than you, Kates," he said softly.

I looked at him weirdly. I, of course, knew that. "I know that, Oliver," I expressed.

"Too much older."

"'Too much older' would be like … six years or something. We're only two years apart."

"I'm to leave school once this year is over, Kates."

I looked at the floor. "I know that too, Oliver."

"I forget how young you are when I'm with you, you know that? You're so … I don't know. You don't act fifteen at all. But the bad thing is, Kates … urgh." He looked away as I had done. "The fact is, I'm legal and you're not."

I looked at him in shock, then after a moment, laughed lightly. His gaze switched from the floor to my eyes. He'd donned a defiant expression. I chose not to say anything.

"With my upbringing, you should know I feel wrong every time I kiss you."

"Then don't." My voice was cold, and expressionless. "Don't kiss me."

"I've upset you. I'm sorry. But Kates, you have to understand … my parents … if they ever found out I was dating someone underage …"

"Even if they knew it was me?"

"Yes."

"You were the one that started this," I stated. "If you want to stop, then stop."

He looked at me desperately. "I _can't_."

"What do you mean?"

"If I could stop loving you, I would."

His statement hit me with the force of a cannon ball to the stomach.

… Just not quite so painful.

"What?" I breathed.

His eyes were determined, but I could tell he was furious with himself for bringing this up.

"Never mind," he muttered. He took his arm away from me, and he sat forward on the bench.

"No, Oliver. You just pretty much said you loved me."

He put his face in his hands. "I did, didn't I?" He looked up at me, eyes soft.

"Do you?" I asked in utter shock.

His eyes studied mine for a while, and then, slowly, he nodded.

We were only a few weeks into our relationship, and he says he loves me? How very brilliant. How absolutely peachy. I screamed internally.

"Kates …" He seemed to be thinking very hard as I looked at him.

"Hm?"

"I don't want to lose you, but you have to understand I can't … I can't do this right now." His voice was just above a whisper. "I'm in love with you, Kates, but I can't be in this relationship until you're old enough."

And with that said, he left.

&&&&&&&&&&&&

It had been a month since Oliver and I had had that conversation, and I was just as miserable as I had been back then. I hadn't spoken to him directly since. I just couldn't bear it. He'd said he loved me, but he didn't want to be with me.

My friends had been very happy I had at last accepted my position as Chaser again. I had only gone back because without it, I would _never_ see Oliver.

He didn't take it very well when I told Alicia to tell him he didn't need to find another Chaser. She said he'd yelled at her because I should have told him, not her. But I didn't want to be close to him. I knew my hormones would get the better of me, and I'd want to jump his bones.

I was pathetic. I knew that. But after all, I did love the guy.

That was a rather unpleasant discovery of mine. I loved him, he loved me, and he dumped me.

I knew I was getting on every one of my friends nerves, acting as if someone had died – but Oliver Wood _was_ a loss. He could have been mine if I was just a little older, and I was sorry if I'd acted just a little sad about that. But I couldn't help it, and they'd just have to deal with that.

Sigh.

"Bell, practice tonight. Seven PM." Oliver had walked past me and said this in my ear, then he walked off, not looking back.

I see we've reverted back to our impersonal names for each other. Bell and Wood.

Sigh.

My life wasn't going very well lately. Not at all.

I looked at my watch. Classes had just finished, so it was a quarter to five. I had about an hour to do some of my homework I'd been planning to do before practice. I'd just received a rather unpleasant essay to do from Professor Snape on squeeweedling. I rushed back upstairs to the Common room, determined to get that essay done, and hopefully start another.

I had successfully acquired myself an armchair by the fire and had settled down with my books out and my quill readily inked.

I wrote the title – Squeeweedling: Its Properties and Uses in Potions.

I underlined it.

Twice.

Then I realised I didn't know the first thing about squeeweedling. I hadn't listened in class at all today.

I sighed once again.

"Quit your sighing, Katie Bell." Angelina came and sat on the armchair to the left of me.

I shook my head at her. "Do you know what squeeweedling is?"

"No idea. I was passing notes to Fred all last period."

"Great." I sighed again, and closed my book. I picked up my Transfiguration book, ripped off the heading I had written, and wrote a new one – Advanced Transfiguration of Animals to Inanimate Objects.

"You need to put what happened between you and Oliver behind you, Katie."

I looked at her. Her face was set, and I knew if I said anything wrong, I'd be sorry.

"I know." It was a simple answer, and it didn't seem to make her mad. "It's difficult though, Ange."

Her face softened slightly. She'd heard this before, but I could tell she sympathised with me.

"I love him. I never even got a chance to tell him that while we were together. He said he loved me, and then he left me. I know it sounds melodramatic of me, but I feel heartbroken."

"Katie, you just have to try and stop feeling like you do. It's not doing you any good. And it certainly isn't making Oliver feel any better about anything. He feels so guilty, Katie."

"Good," I muttered quietly, looking scorn.

"You don't mean that."

I sighed again.

"I know. I don't." I ran my fingers through my hair. "I just hope he's suffering as much as I am."

"He hasn't been talking much." This statement seemed to hang in the air for a moment.

"And..?"

"I … nothing."

"Ange, what's wrong with him?"

I was beginning to worry about the bastard.

I didn't mean that.

Sigh.

"I don't know."

"Is he sick?"

"No …"

"What, then?"

She sighed and looked at me seriously. "He won't tell us, but I know it's something."

It was a sighing day for me.

"Is this why you brought it up? Because you thought he'd tell me?"

She looked faintly guilty for a second. "We're worried about him, Katie. We thought that since the problem is obviously to do with you, if you talked it out …"

"It could be to do with something else," I said defensively.

"It's almost always about you in Oliver's eyes, Katie. You're all that matters to him. Will you just realise that, and go talk to him? For all our sakes."

My eyes were downcast. "I don't see why I'm so important to him," I muttered as I stood up and headed to the boy's dorm stairs.

"Because he loves you," Angelina called. I rolled my eyes.

"He has a funny way of showing it."

"It's _Oliver_, Katie."

I sighed, and ran up the stairs to Oliver's dormitory.

The door was closed, and I rapped my knuckles on the wood.

"Come in," Oliver's voice called. I opened the door, and looked around the room for him. He was at a table across the room, his back to the door. He was hunched over some parchment, and his quill was scribbling away.

I made my way across the room, and stopped to the left of him. He glanced up, then looked back down at his parchment, quill writing little notes all over again.

"What?" he asked stiffly.

I hadn't thought this far, really. I almost laughed.

"I … Ange said that you weren't yourself."

He rolled his eyes up at me. "I'm fine."

I squinted my eyes at him. "No you're not."

"I assure you, I'm alright," he said, a little angrily.

I didn't like his tone.

"Don't talk to me like that," I said, raising my eyebrows at him.

He exhaled heavily, and turned in his chair to look at me, putting his quill down.

"Do I look sick?"

"Do I look stupid?" I refuted.

He looked at me angrily. I knew he was tempted to say yes.

"Why are you acting like this?" I demanded, falling to my knees in front of him to look him dead in the eyes.

He stared over my head across the room. "Because I don't know how else to act."

His admittance rang out in the room.

"You could act the way you should when you love someone," I snapped, my eyebrows knitting together in a frown.

His eyes met mine. "You act so much older than fifteen," he sighed.

"That should be enough for you, Wood. I guess I'll never be enough."

I was surprised I wasn't crying by now.

"You're so much more than enough, Kates."

"Then my age shouldn't matter!"

"But it does." His voice cracked as he spoke.

I glared at him. "Whatever. Stop acting so … oh, however you're acting, and upsetting our friends, alright?"

"I could say the same for you."

"I have the right to act the way I am. _You_ dumped _me._"

"I didn't _want_ to."

"And you think that makes a difference? I don't care whether you wanted to or not, Wood. You still did. Now, I want to know what's wrong with you."

"Fine, Kates. You really want to know? A girl asked me out, and I said yes."

I stared at him. He could _not_ be that cruel. But he wasn't lying.

"Who?" My voice was choked.

He raised his eyebrows at me.

"_Who?"_ I asked angrily, and more forcefully.

"Get to fuck, Kates. I'm not telling you that."

All I saw before my eyes was blind rage. I stormed from the room, and ran. I ran as fast as I could. I didn't even know where I was going. I just ran. And ran. And ran.

I didn't realise someone was following me until I felt a hand on my arm when I stopped beside the Lake in the grounds.

"You run _fast_, girl," George panted.

I collapsed on the ground, finally allowing myself to cry.

"What happened, Katie?" he gasped, sitting beside me, and gathering me up in his arms.

"Alicia would be _so_ jealous of me right now." I sobbed slightly through my smile.

He looked at me weirdly.

"Oliver's going out with another girl," I said changing the subject, and sobbing harder, without the smile.

"Oh, Kat," he sighed, hugging me closer. I sobbed into his chest, gasping for breath. He wiped my tears away. I wondered vaguely if he'd ever comforted a girl when she was crying – he was good at it.

I stopped myself crying, and only the occasional pathetic hiccough escaped my lips. I must be a total mess. Thankfully, George didn't mention this. In fact, he said the opposite.

"He must be totally insane to dump such a beautiful, smart girl like you, Katie. He doesn't deserve you at all," he said, rubbing my back, and wiping the tears that had cascaded down my cheeks away.

"Alicia's lucky to have you, George," I smiled faintly. He laughed a bit, moving the hair that was in my face away.

"I'm lucky to have her, you mean."

I grinned, my breathing finally returning to normal.

"Thanks for following me, George. And putting up with my crying."

"That's what friends are for," he smiled. I hugged him tighter, then let go, standing up, brushing myself off from sitting on the ground.

"Ready for practice?" I said, glancing at my watch, which read twenty to seven.

George raised his eyebrows at me. People were doing that a lot lately.

"You're going?" His voice was sceptical.

"He's not winning, George. I refuse to let him. He will _not_ get the better of me. He also won't know I cried over him. Right, George?"

He looked at me. "I won't tell anyone you were crying, Kat." He smiled. "You're too proud."

"Too stubborn, rather," I smiled

"That too." He stood up, and took my hand. "You'll be alright, Katie. Oliver will come to his senses eventually."

I knew that would be very unlikely, but it was nice of him to comfort me.

"Thank you, George," I said, hugging him again. He kissed my hair, and we made our way back up to the castle to get our practice clothes.

&&&&&&&&&&&&


	4. Chapter 4

Maintaining Conscious Thought 

I got my stuff, and, seeing no one in the Common room on the team, headed down to the pitch myself. I got there at five to seven, and quickly got changed, and pulled my hair into a ponytail, fixing it at the top of my head. The rest of the team were surely outside. I shouldered my broom, and made my way down the corridor to the pitch. George was shouting at Oliver, but stopped as soon as I walked briskly onto the pitch.

"What's up, guys?" I said as I reached the team in the centre of the pitch.

"You're late," Oliver said.

"You're an ass," I retorted, glaring at him. He glared right back. Neither of us faltered.

This was us. I hated him, but loved him so much, and he sure as hell looked as if he hated me right now. That was it.

I looked at George, silently asking what the shouting was about. As soon as I looked at him, I knew the answer. He was shouting at Oliver for hurting me. I smiled slightly.

"Get in the air, all of you," Oliver snapped. We took flight, and did our usual twenty laps of the pitch to warm up.

"Bell! C'mere!" Oliver yelled to me as I completed my sixth lap. I swooped down, and landed in front of him gracefully.

"What?"

"You hate me, don't you?"

"You've taken time out of practice to ask me this?"

"Yes." He reached out to move hair out of my face, but I stepped away from him. His arm dropped to his side. "Katie …"

"Oh, you've decided to call me by my first name again then?"

He sighed. "I'm sorry, Kates. I'm so sorry…"

"I took my position back on the team, Oliver. Don't make me leave it again."

"Please, Kates. Please understand that I had no choice."

"What, you didn't have a choice in saying yes to a girl who asked you out?!"

"Exactly."

I paused for a second, looking at him angrily.

"Bullshit!" I snapped.

"I had no choice. Honestly, Kates. I had no choice."

"I don't believe for one second that that's true, Wood!"

"I didn't expect you to," he sighed. "Kates, she's my dad's co-worker's daughter. I couldn't say I already had a girlfriend. He'd ask me who. Please understand, Kates."

I screamed slightly in frustration. "I'm sick of this, Oliver! So _**forget it**_. Forget _everything_, alright?!"

"Kates, please…" He looked pathetic. Really. I almost felt sorry for him. Almost.

I ran out of the pitch. I tended to do that a lot. Run away from Oliver, and my problems. I just don't want to deal with them. Why should I? It wasn't me who caused them.

I threw myself down on one of the benches. My broom clattered to the floor, and I gave a sob.

"I'm sick of this," I whispered through my sobs. "I'm sick of it."

The doors banged open, and I jumped. "Katie! Oh, you're still here." Oliver came running to me, and skidded to a halt on his knees in front of me. "Don't do this. Please."

"Do what?"

"Don't hate me. I've been so stupid. Please, Kates."

"You're right. You have been stupid."

"I'll tell my parents. I'll do anything to make you not hate me."

I shook my head. "We're not together anymore. What's the point in telling them?"

"Can we ever be together again, Kates?" His eyes glowed for a moment.

I thought about this for a second, then I replied, "I don't think we can, Oliver."

His eyes downcast. "I guess not. I'll never be enough for you, Kates." His eyes locked mine. "You'll always deserve better than who you're with. I can't believe I've lost you."

"I'm not better than anyone, Oliver."

"But you are. Katie, I love you so much. I don't even _like_ Amy."

"Amy."

"The girl I have to take to the Ministry ball next week."

"Right." I sighed slightly. I looked away from him and took my Quidditch gloves off.

"Can I help with your guards?" He sat down next to me.

"I've had plenty of practise getting them off myself, thanks, Wood," I said, starting to rip off my arm guard.

"Okay," he said sadly.

I struggled getting my second arm guard off. Which _totally_ ruined my argument. I sighed.

"Can I help now?" He sounded amused, and I turned my head to look at him defiantly.

"No. I'm _fine_. I told you before. Why are you in here anyway? Shouldn't you be out there leading practice?"

"They're in uproar anyway."

"Why?"

"Because I made a huge mistake and it's my fault one of their friends is unhappy."

"I'm guessing that's what George was shouting at you when I walked onto the pitch?"

"Yes. But I knew that anyway, Katie. And I'm _so _sorry for it."

"Whatever Wood. Being sorry won't make things better, so stop saying it." I gave up untying my arm guard and started on my shin guard.

"I don't know what else to say, Katie," he said, quickly unfurling the strings on my arm guard before I had a chance to snatch my arm back.

I glared at him as he slid it off my arm. "Maybe you shouldn't say anything, Wood."

"Is that a request for me to leave?"

"This is more your changing room that mine. I'll leave. Once I've got these _damned … guards … off!"_

"I don't want you to leave, Katie."

"_I_ want to, though. I can't stand the fact that you'll be seeing another girl. I don't want to be near you right now, okay?"

"I don't even like her …"

"You didn't say that when you told me in your dorm." My tone was clipped and icy.

"I … I was confused, Katie. I thought, if you hated me, it would make this easier. But it's just complicated things, and I wish I'd never said it the way I did. I'm … I don't want to hurt you, Katie. Please believe I still love you…"

"No! I won't believe it. And I don't care if you do. You fucked our relationship up, and I don't want it fixed. Just leave it."

"I can't just block it out, Katie!"

"Well, you better try pretty damn hard to!"

"You're impossible!"

"What? You think that just because you say you're sorry, and that you love me, I'll forgive you? Just like that? It will never happen like that – not with any girl who has a mind of her own, with more than one brain cell."

"Amy is the cleverest witch I know. She goes to Beauxbatons."

"Well, kudos to her by the _gallon_. And I didn't say anything about her anyway!"

"Katie, _stop this!_ I don't like Amy the way I like you, alright?"

"You must like her a bit, since you agreed to be her date to the Ministry ball."

"I only agreed to go with her because of Dad. And I do like her. I've met her a couple of times before. She's really nice. But I'd never go out with her."

"Well, you are now."

"No I'm not."

"You know, if I was her, that's exactly what I'd think. I'd think I was your girlfriend."

"But she's not…!"

"She is. There's no way around it. She. Is. Your. New. Girlfriend. Congrats." I grinned at him, very exuberantly, and falsely.

He looked at me angrily. "_Now_ you're acting fifteen. At last, I'm reminded why I can't be with you!"

"Well, sorr-ay for acting my age once in a while!"

"I really don't know why I like you, Katie! You're just an immature little girl!"

"And _you're_ just an immature little _bastard_ of a _boy!!"_

He glared at me, breathing heavily. "I hate you too," he ground out, and left through the doors to the pitch, slamming the doors shut behind him.

And finally, a tear fell from the reservoir collecting in my eyelashes, which was threatening to fall throughout the conversation.

&&&&&&&&&&&&


	5. Chapter 5

Maintaining Conscious Thought 

Not speaking to Oliver directly for two months is no easy task.

But that's exactly what I've done.

_And_ I have a boyfriend, as of yesterday. Cedric Diggory asked me to go to Hogsmeade with him on Saturday. Which I was shocked about. I'd never spoken to Cedric before, really. He and … _Wood_ … never got on. It was a pleasant surprise. What kind of girl wouldn't be pleased one of the hottest guys in school asked you out?

The amount of glares I received when I went out with Wood never succumbed to the number and intensity I got when I was with Cedric. It made me feel smug, which bothered me. But hey-ho, never mind.

Cedric's lovely. I've only been talking to him properly for two days and I've already gleaned that. He's an all round nice guy. But my only complaint is: that's it. He's just nice. He's a typical pretty-boy. No substance about him. What you saw was, I presumed, what you got. I need someone I can … have conflict with. Someone who'll fight back, I guess. Someone like … argh … someone like Oliver Wood. Which sucks!

So anyway, I'm Cedric's girlfriend.

Wood's face when he saw us together was a total picture. It was the best reaction I've seen in a looooong time.

It was kind of a mixture of shock, repulsion, and anger.

Classic.

"Kate?" I turned around, and Cedric came up to me.

"Hey Cedric," I smiled sweetly.

"How was Ancient Runes?"

"Good. Except I have a two foot essay due in two days. How was Herbology?"

"I still don't understand why we have to learn about _plants_," he laughed. "Ready for Transfiguration?"

"Yep," I smiled. He took my hand and we carried on walking down the corridor to Professor McGonagall's classroom.

See, the good thing about having Cedric as a boyfriend is _he's in the same year as me_. He's only three months older. It's refreshing to not dread the words 'you're too young…'

"Your hair's pretty today," he said as we came to a stop to wait to enter the classroom when Professor McGonagall arrived.

"Thank you," I smiled, and he placed an arm around me, and pulled me closer to him. I grinned up at him. Cedric must be around six foot, a bit taller than my five foot seven. He planted a kiss on my cheek, and smiled back – his amazing smile.

"Katie, please, enough of the sickly stuff," Angelina said from a little down the line of sixth years.

I turned to her and grinned brighter. "Jealous," I sang, and glanced up and Cedric who grinned back.

"Miss Bell, Mister Diggory, this is a _school,_" Professor McGonagall said as she passed. Cedric immediately let me go, and I blushed slightly. We walked into the classroom, and took our seats – mine at the left most row, and his in the middle. Alicia sat next to me, and Cedric's friend took the seat next to him.

"Having fun, Miss Bell?" Alicia smirked at me. I laughed a little.

"It's amazing how hated I am," I smiled, glancing round the room, at all the jealous faces turned towards me in numerous sneers.

"You received a fair few when you dated Wood."

"Never _this_ many!" I laughed.

"Better get used to it, sweetheart," she smiled.

"How are you and George?"

"Good," she nodded, smiling brighter. "He's great. He's the best boyfriend I've ever had. He's so thoughtful, and caring, and oh. I think I might be falling in love with him," she said the last sentence in a whisper.

"Really? Oh, that's great, Leesh!" I grinned.

She nodded, and took her book out of her bag. "I don't know if I should tell him, though. I thought it was too soon …"

"I would tell him. But that's me. And look how my relationships pan out."

She looked at me seriously. "Don't think for one second that was your fault, Katie. It was Oliver's fault, not being able to look past your age, and seeing you for who you are. Don't blame yourself for his mistake."

"Well, I have Cedric now - even if we've only been going out for two days. I think our relationship's going to last. Well, longer than my relationship with Wood in any case."

"That's always good," she smiled. "So, you think I should tell him?"

"You two have been going out for, what, a year now? Definitely!"

"Thanks Katie," she said quickly, before all attention was drawn to the Professor.

&&&&&&&&&&&&

"Hey."

"Oh, hi Ced'."

He took the seat next to me at the Gryffindor dinner table. He kissed the side of my head.

"How're you doing today?" a gorgeous smile on his face.

"Oh, fine. I have a Potions test tomorrow that I will undeniably fail, but that's about it. How're you?"

"I'm good. And I would help you with Potion's, but I'm hopeless at it."

I smiled. "That makes two of us."

"I've got the same test on Monday, anyway. I could study with you if you want?"

"That would be good. I'll have to study after Quidditch practice, though."

"Wood runs you all ragged."

"Tell me about it," I sighed, leaning on him. "That's a practice a day for a week and a half!"

"That's not on. Hasn't McGonagall got something to say about that?"

"I think she wants us to practice hard so Gryffindor gets the Cup this year."

"That's crazy. Kate, don't go tonight. You shouldn't have to be put through that …"

"If I don't go, Wood'll find me, and I don't want to talk to him. I'll have no choice if I skipped practice."

Cedric sighed, and hugged me. "Do you want me to speak to him?"

"You two will only end up fighting, so, no."

He smiled slightly. "He wouldn't win though, so it'd be alright."

I smiled despite myself. "You're both as stubborn as each other," I said, shaking my head.

"I _would_ win though."

"I won't deny that," I smiled, hugging him.

"Good," he muttered into my hair. "So, when does your practice start?"

"Half past five. Can we meet around half seven at the library? I should be done by then."

"Sure." He let me go and kissed my cheek. "I'd better go to my table. See you later, Kate. Have fun at practice," he winked, and walked off to the Hufflepuff table.

Have fun at practice, my _ass._

Oh good lord, look at _his_ ass.

Ahem.

I loved it when he calls me 'Kate'. No one has ever called me Kate in my life, quite surprisingly. It's always been Katie, Kat, Kathryn or Bell.

And Kates. Oliver called me that. Well, Oliver used to call me that. He calls me nothing now except when he barks 'Bell' at me during practice.

Sigh.

Not that I care, mind you. I'd rather he didn't talk to me at all - which he won't, of course.

Cedric is one of the few people who wouldn't back out of a fight with Wood if he proposed one. I didn't quite understand that. Cedric told me that he'd got into a fight with Oliver the year before, and it was horrible. They'd had to be stunned so they would stop hitting each other. Both of them were hospitalised for a night. Apparently it was during the Christmas holidays, so I was at home. Oliver had never told me about it. That pissed me off. Because, supposedly, it was something to do with me.

Idiots.

I finished up my dinner, and headed to the Quidditch pitch, ready for another hard training session.

&&&&&&&&&&&&


	6. Chapter 6

Maintaining Conscious Thought

I rushed to the library as fast as my legs could carry me. It was a quarter past eight. I was late.

I burst through the doors, and looked around.

Cedric was sitting in one of the booths, his face turned away from me, looking bored-ly at a book.

"I'm so sorry!" I gasped, throwing myself down beside him in the booth. "Wood wouldn't let us leave until we did this play properly. God, it was so difficult!"

He smiled at me. "It's okay," he said. "I understand Wood is one of the most evil dictators in the world."

I smiled and took my Potions book out of my bag.

"So, did he yell at you today?"

"No more than usual."

"You shouldn't put up with it."

"I have to."

"Why?"

"I'll let my House down if I don't," I sighed, looking up at him.

"Kate …"

"I'm alright, Cedric. Honestly, I can deal with Wood and getting yelled at. Heaven knows, I'm used to it by now."

Cedric took my hand in his. "I wish you'd let me help."

"And let you get into a fight and get hurt? No way, Ced."

He sighed and shook his head. "He won't hurt me."

"You were hospitalised last time!"

Cedric opened his mouth to reply, but I intervened. "He can fight, Cedric. There's no denying that. I'm not saying you can't, but I've seen Wood fight, and he came out less injured."

He sighed and closed his mouth. "You're right. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry," I said, opening the book in front of me, and starting to read.

"I don't know why he yells at you, Kate. I mean, it must be that he still loves you …"

"He broke up with me. If he loved me, he wouldn't have dumped me."

"Do you still love him?"

I exhaled. Yes. I do still love him. "No, Cedric. I don't."

"You sure act like it, Kate."

I glared at him. "I don't love Oliver Wood. Never have, and never will."

"That's a lie, and you know it, Kate. It's okay. You can tell me the truth."

I sighed. "Okay. I _did_ love him. I think. It's hard to love someone when you're so angry with them at the same time."

"The whole school knows you two are meant for each other."

"Oh, how very cliché. We're not. We fight like cat and dog."

"Well, he is _definitely_ the dog," Cedric smiled.

"Yes," I laughed.

"I'm glad you said yes when I asked you out, Kate."

I grinned. "I'm glad too."

&&&&&&&&&&&&

"Kates!"

Oh shit.

"Kates, please!"

Oh _shit_.

I kept walking along the bank of the Lake. My pace had quickened, trying to avoid the inevitable. Of course, being inevitable, it happened anyway.

"Kates."

Oliver took my arm. He was panting slightly, as he'd had to run to catch up with me. He had effectively stopped me.

"Wood, let go of me."

"No."

"I'll get Cedric."

"You think Diggory scares me?" His voice was soft and curious. Not mad at all.

"Let go, Wood."

"Not until you listen me."

I turned around and looked at him. His hand dropped from my arm.

"Why are you doing this to me, Kates?" he asked, looking at me with hurt eyes.

"What, pray tell, am I supposed to be doing to you, Wood?"

"Punishing me for a mistake I stupidly, _stupidly_ made. You're torturing me, Kates. I can't take it any more," he said painfully, looking at me pleadingly.

"I'm not punishing you. I'm being happy. You want me to be unhappy, Wood?"

"Of course I don't. It's just … I love you. I love you so much, and you're acting like you don't love me too."

"I'm not acting."

I swear, I just saw a little part of the boy in front of me die. I felt awful for it. But I couldn't feel bad. I couldn't, and I wouldn't.

"Do you love Diggory?" he said hollowly.

"No …" I said.

His eyes brightened very slightly. He put his hands in his pockets and looked at me seriously.

"I want you to remember that I love you, Katie. Forever, I will love you. And if he ever hurts you – if _anyone_ hurts you, I'll be there for you - I will _always_ be there."

I nodded slightly, and offered a small smile. He gave a weak one back.

"You hurt me too much, Oliver," I uttered. "I'm sorry I can't forgive you for that, but I can't."

"I understand. I respect that," he said, nodding glumly.

"I've missed you, Oliver," I sighed, covering my face with my hands. "It's stupid. I shouldn't miss you. I should be happy you're not around me. But I'm not. I'm not at all …"

"You have no idea how relieving it is to hear you say that," he said, wrapping his arms around me. "I've missed you so much, Katie. It's killing me to see you with someone else," he murmured, placing his chin on top of my head. "I just want you back. And I can't." He sighed, and let me go slightly, taking my hands away from my face and looking at me, still holding my hands. "I hate that."

I looked up at him with sad eyes. "I'm sorry Oliver."

"It's good to hear my first name pass your lips again. It sounds so good when you say it."

I giggled slightly. "Hey, 'Katie' in a Scottish accent sounds so much better. Not that you call me Katie much. It's always 'Kates', but that sounds even better."

"And 'Oliver' sounds better in an English."

We both laughed slightly, and he let go of my hands he realised he was still holding.

I looked up at him, and he looked back at me with his shining hazelnut eyes. I closed my eyes, and felt a hand brush my cheek. My lids opened lazily and I looked at him once again.

"Don't close your eyes, Kates. Don't hide those beautiful green eyes."

I looked away from him, breathing slowly. "I can't do this, Oliver." I could feel his eyes on me. I didn't want to look up.

"I know." His voice sounded wounded, and it was painful to hear. It took all my willpower not to cry. His hand touched under my chin so I would look at him. "Why are you crying?" he asked softly, and I let a tear slip from my eye.

"I don't know," I said, just as softly.

"Oh, Kates," he said, wiping away the tears that had already fallen with his thumbs and cradling my face in his palms. "Don't cry."

I sobbed slightly, closing my eyes again. He pulled me into a hug, and stroked my back, whispering comforting words in my ear. "This has been happening to me a lot lately, people comforting me while I cry."

"How come?"

"I … well, you, Oliver." I was embarrassed by this, and I hid my face in his shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Kates."

I shrugged. "I hate crying. It doesn't make me feel any better. I just do it. I can't even stop it."

He stroked my back some more. I looked up at him, and he was looking over at the Quidditch pitch.

Go figure.

"Slytherins are practicing," he said conversationally.

"Hufflepuff are practicing at six."

He looked at me. "I know. I tried to book it, but it was already booked up. Ravenclaw have got it all morning too."

I pulled out of the hug and wiped my eyes, trying to fix my eyeliner that had run with my tears.

"So, practice tomorrow night then?"

"Aye."

I smiled at the very Scottish-ness of that word.

"What?" he said, smiling.

"Nothing." I smirked at him, and sat on the grass beside the old oak tree, looking out on the Lake.

He sat next to me. "Why Diggory?"

"He asked me," I said quietly.

"And you wanted to get back at me?"

"No … That didn't even cross my mind."

He looked at me sceptically.

"Well … okay, when he asked me, I thought, 'perfect'. It was a sure way to piss you off … but I didn't really know Cedric at that point, so, I didn't know … Oliver; you have to swear to me that you won't tell Cedric. Don't ruin it for us."

He looked down at the grass. "I don't want to make you unhappy again, so I swear, Kates."

"Thank you."

He looked up again. "It's the least I can do, isn't it? I've ruined everything else in my life, so …"

"You haven't ruined _everything_…"

"Everything that matters."

I looked at him weirdly. "You're not _dead_ Oliver. Lighten up."

"Sometimes I think it would be easier if I was."

"Don't talk like that!"

"Well, it would. I wouldn't hurt; I wouldn't feel; I wouldn't love. That sounds perfect."

"Oliver," I said, looking him dead in the eyes. "Don't think like that. Please."

He broke our eye contact for a second, and then regained it. "I can't help it."

"Kate!"

I looked over Oliver's shoulder at the figure running towards us. Oliver looked round too, and when he saw who it was, his face turned to stone – totally expressionless.

Cedric reached us and looked at Oliver suspiciously. "Okay Kate?" he asked, looking at me tentatively.

"Yeah," I said, not looking at him, but across the lake. He sat down next to me.

"I'd better go," Oliver said briskly, standing up and starting off across the grounds.

"Oliver!" I called. He turned. "Don't do anything stupid." He looked at me with the _saddest_ eyes, and my heart melted. I just wanted to hug him.

He turned around again without saying anything, and walked off.

"What was that about?" Cedric asked.

I hesitated. "He was apologising," I said finally.

"Did you forgive him?"

"No," I said quietly.

"You were hugging. I saw out of the window."

I raised my eyebrows. "Am I not allowed to hug?"

"If it's Wood, and you're supposed to hate him, no, not really Kate."

I snorted and turned away from him.

"Kate, I just thought it was weird, that's all. You haven't spoken to him for ages, and now you're hugging him."

"I was crying. That's why he was hugging me."

"He made you cry?"

"Not intentionally."

"You're defending him," he stated bluntly.

"Cedric, shut up," I snapped, standing up.

"You lied to me the other day, Kate. You said you didn't love him anymore," he said, staring out across the Lake.

"I don't." I leaned against the oak tree, away from him.

"Stop lying," he sighed. He turned around and looked at me. "Please, stop lying."

"I'm not."

He exhaled, frustrated, pulling his golden brown hair slightly. "Shall we just stop this now, Kate?"

"What?"

"Our relationship – shall we just stop? I mean, what's the point when, eventually, you'll stop kidding yourself and run off to Wood? Of course, you'll get hurt, and I don't want that happen to you again."

"Cedric, you have no idea about anything to do with me. So just shut up."

He stood up, and turned to look at me. "That's because you're always closed off! You won't _tell_ me anything! I can tell you still love that bastard, and you won't admit to yourself that you do! I'm sick of this, Kate."

"What do you _mean_ you're 'sick of this'?"

"I don't … Kate, you _know_ you should go back to him. He wants you back. You might not get another chance."

"I don't want him, Cedric!"

"But you don't want me either," he said, his eyes glowing.

"I …"

"You don't know what you want."

"I can't help that."

"Kate, I'm not going to wait around 'til you've decided. So why don't we just go our separate ways?"

I blinked, trying to clear my vision, as it was blurred by tears. "You're dumping me?"

He sighed. "No, I'm not. I'm asking you if you want to stop."

"I don't."

"But you haven't decided what you want. What if it ends up its Wood you want? What do I do then? It's not fair, Kate."

"Cedric …"

"I think it's best for both of us, Kate. Believe me; I've thought a lot about this."

I looked at him with my blurry eyes. "I'm sorry." A tear slid down my cheek.

"It isn't your fault, Kate. I'm sorry I've hurt you."

I shook my head and wiped my eyes. "You had to."

He sighed. "I'll be off then," he said softly, moving past me and walking back up to the castle, leaving me on my own again.

That's the way it goes.

I fell to my knees on the grass, and started crying again, covering my face with my hands.

I'm a stupid blubbering idiot.

&&&&&&&&&&&&


	7. Chapter 7

Maintaining Conscious Thought

I hate my life.

I hate Quidditch. I hate relationships. I hate school. I hate everything!

I'm so miserable.

I fell down in my bed face-first.

"Oh, sweetheart. It's not all bad," Alicia said from her bed.

"It is. I have never felt so miserable in my life," I said, muffled by the duvet. "I'm _physically_ tired from Quidditch, I'm _emotionally_ tired from Oliver and Cedric, and I'm _mentally_ tired from school. My life _sucks_."

I heard her pad over to my bed. "It's not your fault everything's turned out the way it has. You couldn't do anything to stop it. It'll be okay again soon enough." She patted my back, and went to shower.

Nooooo it won't. You're wrong, Alicia Spinnet. I'm miserable, and that won't ever change.

I sighed and flipped over onto my back, lying face up on the bed.

Nothing was going right.

"Kates."

"Oh, fuck off," I muttered, closing my eyes.

"What?"

"Nothing," I sighed, looking towards the door.

"You alright?" Oliver asked, looking at me cautiously.

I sighed. "No, I'm not, Oliver."

"What's wrong?" he asked, walking into my room and standing awkwardly beside the bed.

I looked at him weirdly. "You can sit down, Oliver."

"You didn't answer me," he said, looking at me with his head very slightly to the side.

"I don't know how to answer."

"…Oh. That bad, huh?"

"Yes. That bad."

"What happened?"

"Cedric and I … broke up," I said quietly.

"Oh."

I wasn't expecting sympathy from him. I knew if he gave any he'd be lying anyway.

"When?"

"Right after he saw you and me hugging and you left."

"I'm sorry, Kates."

"It wasn't your fault."

"You don't blame me?"

"No."

"Oh."

We were silent for a moment, then Oliver sat down.

"So, are you okay apart from that?"

"Not really, Oliver."

He reached over to stroke my cheek. "You'll be alright," he said with conviction.

"Everyone's been saying that, and I don't see one shred of truth in it."

"You're a strong girl. You don't usually let things get to you."

A tear slipped from my eye. "I'm not strong at all, Oliver."

He stroked the tear away. "You are, Kates. Don't let this get to you."

"I can't help it, Oliver. Everything's been going wrong."

"Not _everything_. At least we're talking again."

I nodded slightly. "I guess so."

He smiled a little. "I have nothing to do," he said, sighing, withdrawing his hand from my cheek.

"So, that's why you're here?"

"Yep."

I sighed, sitting up and looking at him properly with my still-watery eyes.

"And I missed you."

"You saw me at practice half an hour ago."

He shrugged. "I still missed you."

I rolled my eyes at him, and he smiled.

"I love you, Katie."

He said it so randomly, I was shocked. And he used my actual name! I looked at him in astonishment.

"R … right," I said hesitantly. He looked away.

"Sorry."

"Stop saying sorry."

"I have so many things to be sorry for, though, Kates."

"I've had enough of your 'sorry's, Oliver. I've heard them too many times now."

"I don't know what else to say to make you like me again."

"You can't say anything."

He looked up at me. "I wish I hadn't been so stupid, Kates. I was such an idiot."

"Y'know what, Oliver? I'm starting to think you were right about our age differences."

I truly was. We were both very different due to our different year groups in school.

"Oh."

And that was all he said. He looked heartbroken. Like I'd said I hated him.

I looked at him. "I don't want my life to be like this, Oliver."

"Like what?"

"Shit. I don't want to always be alone … always being angry at someone. It's just not good for me to live like this, y'know?"

"I won't let you be alone, Kates."

"What about when you leave this year, Oliver?"

He looked down. "I need to leave, Kates."

"I know. But after school, you'll be off playing professional Quidditch, and I'll be forgotten. Believe me, that's what'll happen."

"Kates, I won't forget about you …" he said, looking up at me.

"You will. All those fan-girls falling at your feet, you won't have time to think about little old me. I'll hopefully be a good memory to you, Oliver. That's all I can hope for."

"I don't think you understand what loving someone is all about, Kates. I can't _stop_ thinking about you. Why did you think I'm here, rather than doing some of my homework, or hanging out with the guys? It's a lot less stressful with them, let me tell you."

I looked at him from beneath my lashes. "How can I believe you love me when you've caused me so much hurt?"

"You _have_ to believe me. I was an idiot. I wish I hadn't caused you that hurt. I'd do anything to take it all back, but I can't."

"How's Amy?"

He looked quite shocked at my question. "I haven't seen her since the Ministry ball."

"Did anything happen?"

"What do you mean?" I knew he knew what I meant. I gave him a look.

"You know what I mean."

"I didn't kiss her. I didn't do anything, I swear."

"I don't believe you."

"Why?"

"I don't know, Oliver. I just don't."

He grunted out of frustration. "I didn't do anything to make you lose your trust in me."

"Well, technically, you said you'd go to the ball with Amy before we broke up."

"I … but …"

"You did, Oliver. Don't try and deny it."

"I wasn't. And I would say I'm sorry again, which I am, but I might get shouted at again."

I sighed and turned onto my side, facing him on the bed. "I want you to know, I don't hate you, Oliver. I don't mean to be horrible to you. Everything's just been going wrong, and I'm stressed out."

"It's partly my fault."

"Yes, but you've said sorry enough, Ol'."

"I don't think I have, Kates. If I'd said sorry enough, you'd love me again."

"You know that's not how it works, Oliver."

He nodded solemnly. "Unfortunately, I know that's true." He looked at me. "Why can't you see past that stupid mistake of mine?"

"I … it hurt me, and I … I don't want to, Oliver."

"You want to be mad at me forever?" he asked softly.

"No, I don't. I don't know what I want. I don't want to be in love with you anymore."

"You love me?"

I sighed, and rolled my eyes. "Why else did you think I was so upset by what you said, Oliver? You loved me, but didn't want to be with me, and then you had a girlfriend. That _hurt_. I don't see why you don't understand this!"

"I do, now," he said softly. "Can I say I'm sorry now, Kates?"

"I know you're sorry, Oliver. But saying you're sorry won't make everything magically better."

"I don't want to see you hurting, Kates."

"Then leave."

He looked taken aback, and I shrugged.

"You really hate me, don't you?" he asked, shocked, looking at me wide-eyed.

"No, Oliver. It's impossible to hate someone, but love them at the same time. I don't like you for what you did to me. My pain was caused mostly by you. Albeit, a little was caused by Cedric, but Cedric and I broke up at the cause of you."

"I didn't do anything!"

"How would Cedric know that?"

"Did you tell him that nothing happened?"

"Yes, but-"

"Then he doesn't trust you, and you should be with someone who trusts you."

"Like you?" I snorted.

"I trust you, yes, Kates."

"Well, I don't trust _you_."

"I'm _sorry_. Have I not gotten through to you how sorry I am yet?"

"It's not enough! Nothing you say will be enough! Nothing you do will be enough! I don't see why you can't just give up, Oliver!!"

"Because I love you. People in love don't just give up." And with that said, he got up from my bed and walked out of the room.

"Well you'll have to, sooner or later," I muttered to myself. "Hopefully 'sooner'."

"What was that, Katie?" Alicia said, stepping out of the bathroom, her hair wet.

"Nothing."

&&&&&&&&&&&&


	8. Chapter 8

Maintaining Conscious Thought

I wrapped my arms around myself as I walked along the shore of the Lake. The autumn come winter air was chilling. A few steps behind me, the twins and the other two chasers were walking, each pair (Fred and Angelina, and George and Alicia) were hand in hand. I was … effectively the fifth wheel. What kind of vehicle has five wheels?

"Katie, you alright up there?" Alicia called.

"Yeah," I called back, not glancing round at her. In fact, my pace quickened slightly.

"You sure about that?"

My head snapped to the voice to the right of me.

"Oliver."

"At your service, young lady." He mock bowed, and kissed my cheek. I kept on walking, not even flinching. He caught up with me, and fell into step next to me. "How are you?"

"Cold," I muttered, glaring at the sky.

"D'you want my jumper?"

I looked at him. "No."

He inclined him head. "Alright then. So, why are you out here with those four?"

"They followed me. I wanted to go for a walk."

"And didn't want them to go?"

"Well, I'm the fifth wheel, aren't I, Wood?"

"You're not any more. There're six of us now."

"Whoopee," I muttered sarcastically. "I was, and it wasn't exactly comfortable."

"You could've asked me to come."

"Why would I?"

He shrugged. "You said you were the fifth wheel. If you'd invited me you wouldn't feel so alone."

He had a good point. But I wasn't going to admit that.

"I could have invited anyone. I didn't. I wanted to be alone. They've made that totally impossible, and so have you."

"You shouldn't be on your own. You need to talk things out, Kates. I know you well enough to know how upset you are right now – I know I caused a lot of it, but I want to help you."

"You have no idea about me, do you, Oliver? If you really knew me you'd know when to drop things."

"I knew when to drop it; I just haven't, because I'm just as stubborn as you."

"Well … grow up."

"No," he smirked.

I started to walk faster, away from Oliver. He caught up with me again. "I'm not going to leave until you've talked to me about what you're feeling."

"I'm feeling _annoyed_, Oliver."

"Okay, what else?"

"Hurt, angry, confused, depressed, stressed … just generally like any other teenage girl who's had her heart broken," I said monotonously, looking up at him. His eyes focused on mine intently for a second.

He broke our eye-contact. "What are you going to do to rectify that?"

"Nothing. Wait until it fades. This will be when you leave school. I'll be able to forget you then."

"Oh."

"Yep."

His eyes found mine again. "Well, I only have a few months left. You don't have long to wait."

"Wonderful." I smiled dryly, glaringly.

"I'll miss you, Kates."

"Good."

He sighed. "Nothing I say will make this better, will it?"

"Nothing at all."

"Can't we go back to being friends?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"I'll end up liking you again. I'm distancing myself from you."

"Why?"

I looked at him. "Because I don't want to be with you again."

"Fair enough. What if I promise I won't try to make you like me?"

"I don't think that's possible, do you?"

"Because I'm so charming?"

"No. You flirt with anything and everyone."

"That's unfair. It's just girls, Kates."

"Whatever."

"Okay, I promise not to flirt, and I promise not to try anything with you _if_ you agree to try being friends again. No harsh words, no hate. Just friends."

I glared at him. "If you promise …"

"I promise."

I sighed, then after a pause, I muttered, "Fine."

He beamed at me, picked me up, and hugged me.

"Okay, okay. Let me down, Oliver."

"What's going on?" Angelina asked, the four of them catching up with us, and looking at the two of us weirdly. "You two aren't back together again, are you?" A smile spread all over her face.

"No." Her face fell. "But we're on speaking terms again. I agreed to be his friend again."

Her smile hitched back up. Grins all round. The brightest of which was Oliver's.

"You guys are freaky. Can you let me down now, Olliber?"

His grin brightened and he set me down. His lips brushed my cheek, and he hugged me again.

"Okaaay, guys. Calm the grins … calm the squeezing, Oliver!" I laughed as he hugged me tighter and the grins brightened about three notches.

"You laughed," he whispered in my ear. "I haven't heard you laugh in so long."

"I haven't had much to laugh about," I whispered back, and hugged him in return.

We both pulled out of the hug, and noticed that the twins and girls had left. They were about a third of the way towards the castle. I could hear them laughing, and watched them make their way, running up the sloping lawns.

"When did they leave?" Oliver asked.

"No idea," I said, looking at him, smiling slightly. "I think you bruised my ribs," I laughed.

"Sorry," he said, giving me a lopsided grin. I loved that grin. I missed that grin.

SIGH!

I've dug myself into a hole again.

I won't love Oliver anymore. I won't.

I do.

And with that split second of insanity, I closed the gap between us, and we were kissing like there was no tomorrow. I realised what I was doing as soon as his hands found my waist, and I pulled away, muttering angrily to myself, not looking at him. I stomped towards the Lake, and sat close to the bank, glaring out across the water.

"Kates …"

"_Don't_."

"Katie …"

I looked up at him, standing behind me. "This isn't going to work. Nothing will work. I'll always end up doing things like that, and _I'll_ end up hurting _you_."

"Then give in to it."

"NO!!" I screamed. My voice reverberated throughout the valley. I was shaking, repressing tears.

He sat in front of me, and placed a hand on my arm. I jerked away, shuffling backwards.

"Katie." His voice was low and sincere. "If things like that are going to happen, then honestly … you're going to cause yourself an awful lot of heartbreak stopping it."

I closed my eyes. "I hate this. I hate myself for this. I don't want to be me anymore. I don't want to be anything right now."

"I love you, Kates."

"I know."

"I love you for being you. And I should have stopped that. I'm sorry for not thinking … I knew you didn't want to, and my hormones just took over. I'm sorry."

"It was my fault. Don't apologise." I opened my eyes. "But thank you."

His eyes were burning from the backwash of emotions, and I could tell he was itching to kiss me again … But he didn't, and I was very grateful for that.

He leant over and touched his fingertips to my cheek. "You'll be alright, Kates."

It was a weird thing to say, but I smiled anyway, deciding he meant well, and that he wouldn't try anything.

&&&&&&&&&&&&


	9. Chapter 9

Maintaining Conscious Thought

I swung my bag over my shoulder after packing my stuff away in it from my table when the end of seventh period came with a long blast of the school bell. I was glad to have finished school today. I hadn't had much sleep last night – maybe two or three hours – and I was feeling weak and shivery. I yawned and hurried out of the classroom, behind almost everyone else.

The day had been too long; especially last period, which was History of Magic – award for the dullest, most boring subject goes _to_, that's right! History of Magic! I had gotten an extra hour of sleep in at least.

I speedily walked through the surging crowds, heading for their respective Common rooms, and went to mine. It was full by the time I'd gotten there. Everyone was chatting about their day – complaints were exchanged, gossip was shared, homework was started. I didn't feel like talking to anyone, and I definitely wasn't in the mood to work, so I made my way up to my dormitory, where I met up with Angelina and Alicia.

"Oh, hey Katie," I was greeted by Alicia. I dumped my bag down by my bed, and sat on the edge.

"You alright?"

I looked at Angelina blearily, trying to focus on her face – tired eyes just don't work well.

"I'm fine. I didn't sleep much, that's all."

"Remembering Wood called practice at seven, Kat?" Alicia asked. "Do you want us to tell him you're sick?"

"Nah. He'll just come up to check on me anyway."

"Well, you don't look very well. I think he'd believe you if you said you were sick."

"Do I really look that bad?"

The girls looked at each other for a brief moment, and then they both nodded.

"Thanks guys. I needed the self-esteem boost," I said sarcastically.

"Sorry Katie, but you look awful. Have you eaten today?" Angelina asked.

"What are you two? My keepers?"

"Have you eaten today?" Angelina asked again more forcefully.

"No, I haven't. But if I did eat something, I'd be sick everywhere anyway – I just don't feel good."

"Then you're not going to practice."

"We have a week 'til the next game, guys."

"Katie, you're sick. Oliver will probably just send you back anyway."

I just looked at Alicia.

"Okay, he won't. He'll tell you to sit and watch; otherwise he'd have to watch you throughout practice."

"No change there then," Angelina muttered, sitting cross-legged on her bed.

I glared at her.

"Well, it's true Katie. The man is obsessed with you."

"Whatever."

"Katie, are you never going to give him another chance?"

I looked at Angelina impassively. "No, I'm not."

"Can I ask, why not?"

"No, you can't."

She looked at me, surprised. "Okay, Kat."

"Sorry," I muttered, not looking at either of them. "I kissed him yesterday."

I looked up. The girl's faces showed and identical expression of shock.

"I don't know why I did, but I did."

"He didn't kiss you?"

"He kissed me _back_ … but that isn't the same. It was stupid of me. I don't know what I was thinking."

"Maybe you were thinking that you should give him another chance, Kat."

I shook my head. "I can't."

"Why?" Alicia said, sitting on the bed next to me.

"He dumped me because I was too young. I'm still younger than him. I always will be. What if that thought dawns on him again, and he dumps me _again_? What would I do then?"

"Tell him to wake up!" Angelina said.

"But he's right."

"What do you mean?" Alicia asked. I looked up at her.

"He should be with someone his own age. I should be with someone _my_ own age."

"Bullshit, Katie."

"All that matters is that he loves you, and he obviously does."

I decided not to answer.

"You two are meant for each other in every way."

"If I was a few years older, I might agree with you." I replied quietly.

"Katie, you have to get past this age thing."

"It's alright for you two to say that. The twins are the same age as you."

"And if they were older –"

"You'd be surprised if they noticed you at all," I finished Angelina's sentence.

"You're right. We would," Alicia agreed, and Angelina nodded, somewhat dazedly.

"Y'know, I wish Oliver hadn't ever noticed me. My life would be so much easier if he hadn't."

"You don't mean that," Angelina said, shaking her head.

I looked at her. "Yeah, I do."

I think they decided to drop it there, because they both shrugged at each other, and left the room.

I knew I was right. Oliver would realise he was too old for me again, and find someone older – especially when he left school at the end of the year. Especially when he's a famous Quidditch star and loads of girls will be fawning all over him – older and younger.

I would be left behind.

I could deal with that.

I sighed and stood up after glancing at my bedside clock, which read half five.

I should get my stuff ready for practice – if I don't pass out before then.

My life really was bad at the moment.

I went to my trunk and pulled out some clean work-out clothes. I emptied my schoolbag into my trunk, and stuffed the clothes in it.

Well, that took up next-to-nothing of my time.

I sighed and fell back onto my bed. This sucked.

I could shower. That, at least, was something to do.

I got my shower stuff together (shampoo, conditioner, shower gel, moisturiser etc...) and went to the bathroom.

I jumped under the shower head and doused myself in water. I slowly washed my hair, and then washed the rest of me. In all honesty, there wasn't much point in showering – I'd have to go for another after training, but whatever.

I stepped out of the shower, and got dried. I dressed again, and flicked my wand at my hair to dry it. My hair was well past my shoulders by now, and it was a little darker because there wasn't much sun. I flicked my wand again, and the ends curled slightly, and it gave it much more volume. I liked doing my hair – especially since I found out I was a witch. I didn't have to spend about an hour styling it now. That made me happy.

I went to the mirror and put on a little makeup – eyeliner, mascara, and a little lipgloss. I looked pretty good, if I do say so myself. I grinned at myself in the mirror, then headed out of the bathroom. I met with Angelina and Alicia in our dorm.

"Hey guys," I said happily.

They looked at me, their eyebrows raised.

"What are you all dolled up for, Katie?" Angelina smirked.

"I'm not 'all dolled up'," I said, looking at her.

"Yeah you are. Your hair's all done and pretty, and you've got makeup on. You hardly ever wear makeup to practice. You trying to impress someone?" Alicia grinned at me.

"No. I was just bored," I shrugged. "Plus, you guys said I looked awful."

"Sure," Alicia smirked.

"Whatever," I said smiling. I picked up my bag and trotted down to the Common room to sit for a while, as I still had about thirty minutes left before I would go down to the pitch.

I still felt awful.

&&&&&&&&&&&&


	10. Chapter 10

Maintaining Conscious Thought 

I sat on the armchair close to the fire, and dropped my bag on the floor. I looked around me, trying to spot someone I knew. The twins were in the far corner of the room. Harry was sitting with his friends a little away from me. Oliver was standing a few metres from me, staring.

"What?" I asked innocently.

He made a strange clicking noise.

"Oliver. Oliver…"

"Ah-hm-yeah?"

"Why are you staring at me like that?"

"I…"

I glared at him from beneath my lashes. He came to sit on the armchair next to me and drew it closer.

"You look amazing," he whispered, touching my hair with his fingertips.

I laughed. "No I don't … just did my hair differently."

"It looks great," he said softly.

"Well …thanks, I guess…" I said, rather nervously. "Ready for practice?" I'm an expert at changing the subject. Yessss! The glazed look over his eyes disappeared instantly.

He grinned. "Always am."

I nodded, smiling. His eyes regained their glossy look.

"Anything the matter, Oliver?"

"No …" he said quietly.

"You sure? You look like you're dreaming or something."

"I feel like I am …"

I cleared my throat, and looked at him with on eyebrow raised. "What do you mean?"

"I … nothing …"

I rolled my eyes and flicked my hair. Okay, maybe I was doing this for a _tiny_ thrill of seeing Oliver like this …

His eyes followed my hand as I swept my fringe out of my face, and he swallowed.

I grinned at him, stood up, grabbed my bag, and sauntered out of the Common room. I left him sitting on that armchair with his mouth hanging open.

A little down the hall, I noticed there were footsteps following me. I glanced around, and smirked. Oliver was following.

"Kates! Wait up!"

I ignored him.

He was _so_ going to regret being an idiot.

Insert malicious, manic laugh here. 

"Kates," he said as he reached me, panting very slightly. "Didn't you hear me?" He fell into step next to me.

"Oh, sorry. I didn't."

"Kates, I need to talk to you."

"What do you call what you're doing now?"

"No, I mean-"

"I know what you mean, Oliver. What is it?"

"I…"

"Oliver, just say it."

"I _need_ you, Kates."

I rolled my eyes at him. "Whatever for, Oliver?"

He just looked at me.

I laughed. A lot.

"Why are you laughing?" he asked, looking surprised.

"Because it's funny!" I laughed some more.

He glared at me.

"I'm sorry," I breathed, grinning.

"I don't find it funny," he said seriously. "I just find it painful."

"Oh, shut up. So you're not my boyfriend anymore. Big fucking deal. It's not the end of the world, y'know." My grin was replaced with a frown.

"It _is_ a big fucking deal," he muttered angrily. "_I love you_. Have you any idea what those three words mean?"

"I _stupidly_ thought that love meant you'd do anything to make that person happy, and to spend the rest of your life with them as long as you love them. What a stupid concept, huh?" I said sourly.

"Kates …"

"No, don't you _dare_ tell me what love is, Wood. I'm sick of this. I've told you that before."

He made a noise of frustration, took my hand and spun me round so my back was against the wall. Before I could push him away, his lips found mine, softly. My eyelids fluttered shut, before I came to my senses, and pushed his chest with my hands. His hands took my waist, and he looked at me with his hazelnut coloured eyes. I hate those eyes. They were burning a few shades darker than normal, and they gazed into my green, watering ones.

"I don't want to love you anymore, Oliver. I can't stand it," I gasped, trying to stop my tears from falling by opening my eyes wider. I was sure I looked like someone who was distinctly trying not to cry. Shit.

His eyes travelled around my face, looking like he was taking every inch of it in. "Don't hate me," he said in the lowest tone I'd ever heard him use. I shivered. He felt it. He continued, "I couldn't handle that," in the same tone. He moved me so my back was against the wall again. "I couldn't take it." His hands were caressing my sides, and I exhaled slowly. I didn't want to do this. He was giving me no choice but to concede. "I want to be this close to you forever."

I blinked, and a tear fell. His hands immediately cradled my face, and his thumb stroked the tear away. "No Oliver," I mumbled. "You know I can't. You can't either."

"It's your birthday in two months."

"And?"

"You'll be sixteen," he said, moving away from me. I felt instantly cold from the lack of human contact. "Meaning you'll be legal for me to date."

I stayed against the wall, and he stood in front of me. "I still can't. I still _won't._"

"By the look in your eyes a minute ago, I'd say you want me just as much as I want you."

"Get over yourself."

He was completely right. I wasn't going to admit that.

He put his hands in his pockets with his head down a little, and looked at me – the sexiest I'd ever seen him look. I wondered if he knew that, and he was trying to get to me.

"I'll just have to try and convince you, then," he said, a light smirk in place. And with that, he left, leaving me stand against the wall like a fool.

That whole conversation changed from me being in total control, to me being totally lost.

I hate that.

I hate _him_.

I took a breath, and starting walking in the direction of the pitch.

I finally reached the changing rooms, and stepped inside. The moment I put my bag on the bench, I was bombarded with questions.

"What happened?"

"Why are you and Wood _both_ late?"

"Why are you not answering?"

"Do you still love him, Katie?"

"Were you and him in a cupboard, sha-"

"Shut up, Fred." My voice was so cold, I think ice would be surprised at the sound of it.

"Whoa." Fred looked at me, surprised.

"What's happened now, Kat?" George asked, putting one of his hands on my shoulder. I turned to look at him.

"I don't know what to do anymore."

I shrugged off his hand, took my bag, and quickly got changed in one of the shower cubicles, like we always did. I came out, and my team mates were waiting on me, bar Oliver, and Harry, who was off saving the wizarding community, and probably the whole world somewhere.

"What?" I looked round at them all.

"You need to sort this out, Katie." Angelina looked at me seriously.

"I know."

"Then why haven't you?"

"It's not that easy."

"Sure it is. Say 'I love you, Oliver', and you'll both be sorted."

"No. No we won't."

"How come?" Alicia asked.

I looked at her for a moment before answering, "Because nothing's ever that simple with Oliver."

"How so?" I spun round and caught eyes with Oliver, who had spoken.

I exhaled. "You always complicate things. You always have, and you always will."

"No I don't!"

"Yes, you do," Fred said.

"Shut up, Fred." Oliver's voice was as cold as my own was a minute ago.

"He's right," I said bluntly, shouldering my broom, and following the others as they filtered out of the doors and onto the pitch.

"I don't complicate things!" Oliver called after me. The door slammed behind me. I sighed, mounted my broom, and kicked off hard from the ground, soaring up, gaining height by the second.

The wind in my hair was bliss.

Oliver called all five of us back to the ground. I landed after the rest, as I had flown farther up.

"We're just going to have a practice game today. Three on three. One beater, one chaser, one keeper. Kates, you're a team captain. I'm the other."

"Right," I answered vaguely. I looked at Alicia and Angelina. "Who can play keeper?"

"Me," Angelina said.

"'Kay. You're with me."

"Alicia. You're on my team," Oliver called.

George ran over to Angelina and I. "You my beater?"

"Ay." He grinned at me.

I patted him on the shoulder. "Hit Oliver with all your might."

"Yessir!" he said, mock-saluting. I laughed, and walked over to Oliver.

"Rules?"

"Same as a normal game, but first team to get to a hundred points wins, yeah?"

"Right."

I got on my broom, and flew up to meet my team next to the goal hoops at the farthest end of the pitch.

"Regular game. First to a hundred wins."

"'Kay," Angelina and George said, smiling at me.

"Katie, you have to score against Oliver. Alicia's gonna find it a lot easier scoring against me."

"Then I'll just keep the Quaffle," I grinned, winking at her.

"Tactics?"

"Go crazy with the Bludgers, and just try to keep as many goals as you can out."

"Right-o Cap'n!" George grinned.

Angelina nodded, and smiled.

"Kates! Game starts in twenty-three seconds!"

"Bloody specific bastard," I muttered angrily, and flew towards the centre of the pitch, leaving Angelina and George laughing by the goal posts.

"Alright?" Oliver asked as I reached him to shake his hand before the game began.

"Peachy."

I shook his hand and didn't look at him. It was the briefest handshake I'd ever encountered.

Oliver's whistle blew, and I grabbed the Quaffle that he'd chucked in the air. He sped for his post, but I was tailing him, and before he turned around to block my shot, it soared through the left gold hoop.

"Shit," he muttered. He fetched the Quaffle and threw it to Alicia. She flew off, and I high-tailed it after her. I hit the Quaffle away from the hoops as it flew towards Angelina's right goal. I flew off with the red ball under my arm. I reached Oliver's scoring area. I knew he was ready for me this time. I faked throwing the ball into the centre hoop, and threw it at the right.

Just as Oliver dove for the save, I cried, "I love you!"

He glanced at me, and he missed the goal. The Quaffle went through the right hoop.

"That wasn't fair."

"We didn't say we were going to play fair, Wood."

"Was it true?"

"Of course. But you screwed up any feelings I had for you by kissing me. My opinion of you has flown all the way down right now."

"Kates…"

"Stop that. Go get the Quaffle," I said snappishly.

He flew over to me so he was right in front of me. "I won't let you go. You know that, right?"

"Get on with the game," I sighed, rolling my eyes at him. He looked at me for a second, before going to retrieve the ball.

We won, a hundred to ninety.

&&&&&&&&&&&&


	11. Chapter 11

Maintaining Conscious Thought

Later that week, I was sitting next to the fire on an armchair, reading one of my favourite books. It wasn't until my light was blocked that I noticed someone was standing over me. I glanced up with a glare.

"Come walk with me?" It was Oliver. I sighed, and shook my head.

"No, Oliver."

"I need to talk to you."

"Oh, will you just give up!!"

"It's not just that."

I looked up at him again. "Oh?"

"Please?"

I took a moment to decide, but then I said, "Fine."

He offered me his hand to pull me up. I looked at it, and shook my head, but took it anyway. I popped a marker in my book, and left it on one of the many little tables dotted about the room.

Oliver led me out of the Common room by the hand. I pulled my hand away when we exited the Fat Lady's portrait hole. He looked at me for a brief moment, then walked beside me, across the east wing of the castle.

"They want me to leave school early, Kates."

"Who does?" I asked, covering the shock in my voice.

"Puddlemere United."

"You were accepted?"

He nodded.

"That's great, though! Is … isn't it?" I asked, looking at him hesitantly.

He looked down at me. "It is … I guess. But I have to leave school early, and that means … Well, that means I wouldn't see you every day, and it also means the team will be without a captain and keeper."

I nodded. "So … you can't do your exams first?"

"I can … but they said my position might be given away to a 'more dedicated and professional player'."

"That's bullshit."

"I know."

"Who've you told?"

"Just you."

I looked at him for a second, then stopped in the middle of the hall. He stopped too, looking at me curiously.

"Just me? You came to me first?"

He nodded carefully.

"I don't want to leave and not give you a choice of my leaving."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't want you to feel like I've just left you, like you think I will at the end of the year."

"Do I really mean that much to you?"

He smiled, and took my hand in his. "You really don't get this, do you?"

I shook my head 'no'.

"Kates, I love you. I don't ever want to be away from you. I want you so much. So … oh, so much."

"In what way?" I smirked.

"Every way," he said seriously. I was so shocked, I didn't realise he was getting closer to me, and I was getting closer to the wall.

"Oliver …" I said, half-heartedly warning him.

"Kates …" he said softly.

My back hit against the wall, and his hands were either side of me. I was effectively pinned.

"I won't leave until I get you, Kates."

"Here … here, or school?"

"Maybe both."

His voice was in that low tone again … that husky … totally man sounding tone. One that makes you feel like you're getting petted like a cat. I felt like purring. But that would've been weird.

"Oliver, please …" My voice came out a sort of whimper. I scolded myself internally.

"You can't resist me forever."

"I can."

He smiled faintly. "No," he said, stroking down my right side. I shivered. "No you can't."

"Oliver … you can't. You can't do this to me anymore."

"On the contrary. I won't stop 'til you're mine again."

I looked up at him. "Please, Oliver. I'm pleading you to stop this."

"Why? Why should I when both of us want it?"

"Because it'd be a mistake. You'll be fine without me, Oliver. Believe me, everyone's better off without me."

His eyebrows knitted together slightly. "That's not true. I wouldn't be who I am without you," he said in a more regular tone.

"There. You see my point."

"No, I don't."

"You've turned out like a Quidditch crazed idiot."

"True. I wouldn't understand girls at all if it weren't for you, though."

"You still don't understand us."

"I understand you enough to get by. I don't want my head to hurt, thinking in such complexities."

"Oliver, when you leave school, whether it be at the end of the summer term, or before then, you won't need me anymore. You won't need to see me everyday, because you'll meet new people, and meet girls who want to love you."

"But _I_ won't love _them_!"

"You'll learn to love them."

"I don't want to love them. I want to love _you._ I _do_ love you!"

"You think you do-"

"Kates, will you just deal with it? I love you. I won't just forget you. I won't just leave you here. I won't just give up on you!"

"I need you to. My life will be a hell of a lot easier if you do."

"I can't. I'm sorry, Kates. I can't lose you."

And we stood there, staring at each other in close proximity for a couple of seconds, before Oliver leant his face closer to mine and brushed his lips against mine. Once … twice …three times … then he lingered, lips on mine.

And I kissed back.

_I kissed back._

How stupid am I?

And I couldn't stop myself.

I'm an idiot.

I am an _idiot_!

"No …" I mumbled against his lips. I pushed him away slightly. His face was still very close to mine. "This is stupid."

"No … no it isn't, Kates. We both want this. We both _need_ this…"

I closed my eyes, blocking out that stupid … beautiful tone …

His lips found my jaw line. He kissed down onto my throat, and I whimpered as he found my pulse point.

I pushed him away again.

He put his forehead to mine. His body had come closer as we'd kissed, and now he was flush against me, his hands either side of me still.

I opened my eyes, and looked into his.

"I don't know what else to say, Kates."

I closed my eyes.

"I don't think I'll ever convince you, will I?" he whispered. His breath tickled my neck.

I opened my eyes slowly. "I don't want to get hurt again, Oliver. I'm _scared_ …"

"I'll never hurt you again."

"I don't believe you," I said with sad eyes. "How can I trust you? _How_?"

I pushed him further back off of me, but he still had his arms either side of me.

"You can't. You're right. Completely right."

I just looked at him. "Leave school early, Oliver. We'll both be better off – I'll be able to get over you, and you'll get your dream job for sure."

"I can't leave you."

His voice was so sincere, and so definite.

"You have to."

He touched his fingers to my cheek. "I can't." His eyes were sad.

"You'll forget about me, Oliver. I'm not that impressionable. I'm nothing special."

He shook his head. "No," he said simply.

I made a frustrated sound. "You _have_ to!"

"_No_ I don't."

"You need to leave school anyway."

"That doesn't mean I won't come back to see you, every chance I get."

"You won't have that many chances, Oliver. You're joining a national team. They'll work you hard. You'll hardly have time for sleep-"

"Then I'll do without."

"Oliver …"

"Kates, have I not told you already? _I'm in love with you_."

"Yes. You've said," I said quietly, turning away.

He touched under my chin so I would look up at him. "I won't ever leave you. Not unless I do something unforgivable … I _am_ forgivable, right?"

I sighed, and looked him dead in the eyes. "You might be. I don't know yet."

He flickered his eyes away for a moment. "I'm still sorry, Kates."

"I know."

He looked back at me. "I'm sorry for pestering you, too. I know that if you wanted to get back together, you'd agree if I asked."

"I didn't say I didn't want to … but I can't, Oliver. Not right now."

He nodded, and kissed my forehead for a long moment. "Love you," he said, moving some of my hair out of my face.

I nodded. "I've heard you say that too many times, Oliver."

"But I do. I don't know what else to say. Every time I see you, all I can think about is how much I love you."

"Oliver, just … please. I can't take this anymore. Do you know how much you hurt me, telling me you loved me, but then walking away anyway?"

"I know. I understand."

"No you don't!"

"Yes, I do. Every time you've said you can't. It hurts just that little bit more."

I sighed. "So, are you leaving school early?"

"I don't know yet. I don't think I want to."

"What if the position is given away?"

"Then at least I'll have an education behind me to support another career."

"You'd accept another career other than Quidditch?"

"Accept, yes. Like? No. But I'd deal with that."

"Oh, Oliver. You can't do this to yourself anymore. It's not just me you need to worry about – I know you're dead-set on doing so. You need to think about what you want – other than me."

"I want … I want a career. Preferably in Quidditch. I want a family … Katie; I want a family with _you_."

I was shocked at this, but my face didn't show it. I looked at him passively. "I want to finish school. I want to get through this school, and graduate, and get a job, and carry on my life _without_ _you_."

His eyes locked on mine. "You mean that?"

I nodded once, and he stepped away from me. "I … Okay. Fine, Kates. You win. I'll give up. I'll leave you alone."

I closed my eyes and inhaled, willing myself not to cry.

And when I opened my eyes again, Oliver wasn't there.

&&&&&&&&&&&&


	12. Chapter 12

Maintaining Conscious Thought

I had had three weeks Oliver-free … apart from Quidditch of course. And even then, he kept his distance, and talked to me as little as possible.

I'm glad of it. Honestly.

I may miss him a _touch_. But nothing I can't deal with.

It was at the end of a rather difficult practice that he approached me for the first time in almost a month.

"Um, Kates, can I talk to you?" he asked softly as we walked towards the changing rooms. I turned to look at him and stopped. He came to a halt in front of me.

"Sure Wood. What's up?"

He took me by the elbow and walked away from the rest of the team. "They've given my position away."

"Oh Oliver," I sighed. "I told you to go."

He stuffed his hands in his pockets and looked at me with his head down – his sexiest pose.

"I know," he said softly. "I should have listened to you."

I put my right hand on his shoulder. "There'll be other teams that'll be lucky to have you, Oliver. Don't worry about it."

"What if there isn't?" He sounded to put out, and sad. He looked it too.

"There will be. Everything will be alright, Oliver."

He gave a short sarcastic laugh. "Nothing ever turns out right in my life, Kates. Why would everything be alright, now?"

"You're an amazing player, Oliver. You can't let this get you down," I said, ignoring his last comment.

He snorted, and shook his head. "Too late for that now, Kates. I'm already feeling as low as physically possible to feel."

"There'll be other teams-"

"I know that."

"Not this again, Oliver. I thought we were past this?" I said, taking my hand from his shoulder.

"We are. I'm still _allowed_ to feel miserable, yes?"

"Well … yes, but-"

"I wish I'd never fallen in love with you, you know that? I would've left as soon as they told me to. I'd be playing for the nationals."

"I told you to go!"

"I couldn't. I tried. I tried to go last week. I packed and everything."

"What stopped you?"

"What do you _think_ stopped me, Kates?"

I sighed. "There'll be other teams, Wood," I said, and began to walk away from him to the changing rooms.

"There won't be another you," he called after me.

I ignored him, and walked through the doors to get changed.

&&&&&&&&&&&&

Months passed like those three weeks – Oliver-free, apart from Quidditch. I saw Oliver occasionally in the halls, looking moody, and depressed. My heart panged to hug him every time I glimpsed him like that. I knew I couldn't, though. I restrained myself.

OWLs and NEWTs started for the fifth and seventh years, and I was faced with end-of-term exams – I was glad I wasn't sitting anything major this year.

Quidditch games passed too. We won against Slytherin and Ravenclaw, so we were in the finals, against Slytherin, because they won against Hufflepuff.

The game was in a week's time - the second last week of the school year. I was glad it was over.

But I couldn't help the feeling of dread creeping up to chill my bones every time I thought about school next year without Oliver.

I had to get past that. Obviously, I knew I would. And I figured that the last few months were pretty good practice.

Oliver had been looking far more depressed since I walked away from him that day … Every time I saw him in the halls or in the commons, he was alone doing homework, or alone writing plays, or alone, with his brow furrowed, deep in thought.

Sometimes I had an overwhelming urge to go over to him and ask why he looked so miserable, but I restrained myself. I knew that if I talked to him again, it'd turn into another fight, or he'd kiss me, or I'd kiss _him_.

It broke my heart to see him so unhappy.

And I knew that it was partially my fault.

And that just broke my heart even more.

Today, I was sitting in the common room finishing off a rather nasty potions essay. Oliver was in an armchair, closer to the fire than I was. He was staring into space, like I'd seen him do a lot lately.

I underlined my name at the end of my essay and set my quill down.

"Finished," I muttered, leaning back in the uncomfortable straight-backed chair. I sat there for a moment, my eyes drooping slightly due to tiredness. I looked around the room, and spotted Oliver sitting where I'd last seen him, with the same expression of sadness on his face. I decided in a split second what I was going to do, and stood up.

I made my way over to him, and sat on the floor, leaning against the arm of the chair.

"Kates?" he asked in surprise. I smiled, still not looking up at him.

"Hey Oliver."

He moved in the chair and touched my shoulder. I half-turned around.

"Why do you look so sad, Oliver?" I asked, the smile gone.

He shrugged and sunk back into the chair. I turned around fully.

"Every time I see you, you always look so beaten. Please, Oliver, tell me, what's wrong?"

He shook his head, 'no'.

"Please, Ollie. I hate seeing you so sad."

He sighed and closed his eyes. "Everything's just getting to me, that's all, Kates. Don't start worrying about me, now," he said, his eyes opening a crack to look at me.

I knelt up and rested my elbows on his knees. "You don't want to tell me what it is, then?"

"It's everything."

"Like…?"

He sighed again. "Like Quidditch … NEWTs … everything."

"There'll be other teams, Oliver, as I've said before. And you're a smart guy. You'll get through your exams no problem. As for everything else, well, I don't know what that is-"

"What d'you think it is?" he asked, rolling his eyes.

"I wouldn't like to hazard a guess, Oliver. It could be anything with you."

He sighed again and stroked my hair. "It's you. It's always you."

I wasn't quite sure what to say to that, so I said nothing, and just looked up at him with steady eyes.

"I'm leaving in just over two weeks, Kates."

"I know."

"I can't believe that that's it. My school career … our relationship …"

"Our relationship ended a while back, Oliver."

"You don't even believe that yourself, Katie. I certainly don't."

"Okay, our relationship was _supposed_ to finish months ago – and in all honesty, Oliver, I think it has now, don't you?"

"I can hope, can't I?" he said, laughing shakily.

"No, Oliver. You can't. Not any more."

He looked up at me. "I hate this, Kates."

"I know, Oliver. Me too, but it's the only way to make you leaving less painful – for both of us."

"By making it more painful just now?"

"It'll be better in the long run –"

"I don't think it will, though. I'm still going to be in love with you when I leave school, Katie. No amount of time away from you will amend that."

"It'll get better. You'll realise how stupid you were for being in love with me when you discover all the girls who want to sleep with you when you join a team –"

"Bullshit," he stated simply, gazing at me through green-hazelnut eyes.

"Eurgh, Oliver, this is getting us nowhere."

"It's still bullshit," he muttered, looking away.

"You'll see it differently when you're out of this place."

He sighed and returned his gaze back to me. "No I won't."

"You're too stubborn for your own good," I snapped, and stood up.

He followed suit, standing in front of me. "As are you," he replied smoothly.

"Get over yourself. You're just some love-sick bastard with no knowing of how to control it! And … and _I don't love you anymore_, Oliver."

That was a total and complete _lie_, Katie Bell, and you know it.

His eyes widened and he said, "Fine, Kates," softly, and he turned and walked away, up the boys dormitory stairs.

I hate myself.

I fell down into the chair Oliver had vacated, and sobbed.

&&&&&&&&&&&&


	13. Chapter 13

Maintaining Conscious Thought

One week to the summer holidays.

One week and I'd be Oliver free for the rest of my life.

Oh God.

Last week, we won against Slytherin – we'd finally won that damned Cup. It was the first time I'd seen Oliver really happy since his rejection from Puddlemere. It was refreshing to see him beaming with such sincerity.

I couldn't help but smile even thinking about it.

"Why have you got such a dreamy smile on your face, Kat?" Alicia asked, a smile on her face too as she folded a pair of jeans into her trunk.

"No reason," I said happily as I dragged my trunk to the shared wardrobe in the corner.

"No one grins like that without inspiration. What were you thinking about?" Angelina asked, fishing under her bed for lost socks.

"Quidditch." It _was_ the truth, technically.

"We finally won the cup!" Alicia squealed, and did a little dance. Angelina and I laughed.

"Heeeeello girlies," Fred said as he and George strolled in.

"How do you get up here?" I asked curiously.

"Magic, sweetheart," George winked, and I rolled my eyes at the two of them.

"Packing already?" Fred asked, sitting on Angelina's bed with raised eyebrows.

"Yes. We don't want to be rushing around at last minute, risking missing the train, like you two do every year," Alicia grinned, throwing her bright red 'fuck-me' shoes into her trunk. George picked them up and looked at them.

"Why don't you wear these?" he asked lightly, looking intrigued.

"They kill," all three of us answered.

"We've all worn them," Angelina said.

"They killed us all," I continued.

"It hurts to look good, girls," Alicia finished with a smirk.

"Couldn't agree more," I laughed, thinking of the blisters the shoes caused, but how amazing I looked in them.

"So … want to come outside for a while?" Fred asked, looking around at the three of us.

"Sure," Alicia said.

"Yeah, I need to get out for a bit. The dust is killing me," Angelina said, getting up from the floor and dusting herself off.

"Kat, you coming?" George asked from the door.

"Nah, I'll pass. I want to get this done, and I've got some of that Herbology essay to finish."

"Okay. See you." And with that, the four of them left.

And somehow, just then, I felt more alone than I'd ever felt in my life. I have no idea why it hit me so hard. I just fell to the floor and burst out crying.

Every one of my friends had someone … and I just didn't.

Angelina, Alicia, Fred and George were my best friends in the world, and they could just as easily never see me again and it wouldn't make a blind bit of difference to them. As long as they had each other, they'd be alright. Me? I was just the extra friend.

That upset me.

And that's where I was when Oliver found me. On the floor, crying my eyes out. I must have looked a total mess …

"Kates? Are you _alright_?" he asked with wide eyes. I looked up at him.

"Do I look alright?" I sobbed, wiping my eyes to get rid of the tears, but they just kept flowing.

He knelt beside me and bundled me up in his arms and just held me.

"Why are you crying, Kates?" he whispered into my hair, stroking my back.

I choked slightly from sobbing so much. "I'm just alone, Oliver. I'm _alone_. I've never felt so awful in my life. And I have no idea why it's hit me so hard today!" I said, throughout hiccoughing from my crying.

"You're not alone," he said soothingly, pulling out of our embrace to look at me. He wiped my tears away with his thumb. "You'll never be alone."

"I am, Oliver. You have no idea. My friends … they don't … _eurgh_!" I screamed in frustration and stood up. I walked over to the bathroom and made my way to the sink. I turned the faucet and splashed water on my face. I looked into the mirror at myself.

"I'm a mess," I decided disgustedly, moving all of my hair away from my face and stared into my eyes. They were blood-shot, and the green seemed faded.

"You're beautiful, still, Kathryn." I looked at Oliver in the mirror. He was at the bathroom door, looking at me.

"You're blind," I said scathingly, grabbing a towel and wiping my face with it. My eyeliner was totalled. I glared at myself.

"Oh, Katie. I've never seen you this upset. Ever."

"Why are _you_ here anyway?"

He sighed. "I wanted to see you," he said simply. "And I'm glad I came up here. You shouldn't be crying, Katie."

"Against some law, now, is it?"

"Kates, stop that."

"Stop what? You shouldn't be up here. This is _my room_."

"I'm aware of that. You shouldn't be up here on a nice day like this. Why aren't you outside?"

"I was packing. And I'd've had to go out with two couples if I wanted to go outside."

"You could come with me."

I looked at him. "I don't think that's such a good idea, Oliver. Do you?"

He blinked, and walked back through into my room. I followed.

He'd sat on Angelina's bed, so I sat on mine, looking at him expectantly.

"So?" I said impatiently. "Why did you come to see me?"

He just looked at me, saying nothing. This pissed me off.

"Oliver! Why did you come to see me?!"

"You should go to anger management," he stated, raising his right eyebrow at me.

"Get to hell," I said coldly. "Get out of my room."

"No."

"Oliver!"

"What?" he replied smoothly, smirking.

"Grow up," I growled, picking up my Herbology text and threw it at him.

It missed him by an inch.

"Me, grow up?" he snickered, picking the book up and placing it beside him on the bed.

"You're just annoying me now."

The smile disappeared from his face, and he cleared his throat. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to."

I rolled my eyes. "Why are you here?"

"I've told you. I wanted to see you."

"About _what_?"

"I missed you."

"Oh, Oliver," I sighed, and shook my head.

"What? Am I not allowed to miss you?"

"You shouldn't."

"Did you miss me? Honestly."

"I used to. I got used to not seeing you though. You should be used to it too."

"I'll never get used to not seeing you all the time."

"Oliver, just … get over it," I sighed, lying back on my bed.

"I can't. I wish I could. It would cause you a lot less stress, and stuff."

"Yeah, it would."

"I'm sorry," he said, standing up and sitting on my bed beside me.

I shook my head at him and put my hands over my face.

"You know we're repeating ourselves, right?" I asked him.

"Yeah, I know," he said, taking my hands off of my face.

"Oliver, it has to stop. It just needs to stop."

He nodded.

"I sometimes think that if you hated me, everything would be so much easier."

"Well, you finally got my point, Kates," he smiled. "I thought that too. It didn't work. And I couldn't hate you. I love you too much to hate you."

"Ever heard of a love-hate relationship, Oliver? It could work."

"How would you get me to hate you?"

"I don't know yet."

He smirked at me and lay down next to me.

There was a pause where neither of us spoke. And then Oliver broke it.

"Why do you think you're alone, Kates?" he asked softly.

"Because I am."

"You've got your family …"

"They hardly count, do they? You know how horrible my brothers are. And how my parents love them more than me."

"Kates, that's not true. Your parents love the three of you the same."

I shook my head. A tear slipped from my eye.

"Oh, Kat," he sighed, putting his arms around me. "You've gotten yourself into a depression."

"I'm not in a depression. I'm just a little …" I muttered.

"Depressed?" Oliver asked softly. He wasn't accusing.

I sobbed into his shirt, and hugged him.

"Kates, your parents love you. Your friends love you. _I_ love you. You're not alone."

"Why do I feel alone, though? I feel like no one would care if I just disappeared."

"Don't disappear, Katie."

I sniffed, then sobbed again. Oliver pulled back slightly from our embrace and looked at me.

"You're far too beautiful to disappear."

I gave out a watery, disbelieving laugh.

He wiped the tears from my cheeks and smiled at me. "We all love you too much to see you like this. Please, Kates. You look so much prettier when you smile."

"You're too perfect for words, Oliver. But so un-perfect at the same time."

His brow furrowed adorably. I laughed slightly.

"What do you mean?" he asked confusedly.

"You're wonderful, Oliver. You say all the right things. But you mess up, and it ruins it all."

"Can I promise never to mess up again? Will you forgive me if I do?"

"No one can be perfect, Oliver. And you won't go through life being totally perfect all the time. That's just not humanely possible."

"Then why can't you forgive me for one mistake?"

"It's not that anymore, Oliver," I said, shaking my head.

"What is it, then?"

"Everything that's happened since. That Amy girl … Cedric …"

"They don't matter, Kates. All that matters is us. You and me. We're meant to be together."

"I just don't see it, Oliver."

He fell silent and wiped the remainder of my tears away. I'd stopped hiccoughing from sobbing now.

"I love you, Katie," he said softly.

"I know," I nodded.

His lips made contact with my temple, and I hugged him once again. He held me. It was comforting, because he was just so amazing at hugging. I relaxed into him – for the first time in a long while. We just felt right together. I'd never admit that to him, though. I couldn't put myself through all of that again. Accepting Oliver's apology would be a mistake, and I knew it … so I didn't …

But I still loved him.

So … _so_ much.

"You'll never be alone. Not while I'm still breathing, Katie."

I pulled slightly out of the hug, and looked at his face. I touched his cheek with my fingertips. "Thank you," I whispered. "You have no idea what that means to me. But you can't be here all the time. You have a life outside me, Oliver. Especially when you leave school …"

"I will _never_ forget you, alright? My life is nothing without you. I'll be with you every moment I can."

"You need to get on with your life, Oliver. You're letting me hold you back – even though I'm not trying to."

"You _are_ my life," he whispered, sounding extremely clichéd.

"Oliver," I said softly, "you know that's not true. Quidditch is your life. Not me."

"If Quidditch was my life, I'd've left school months ago. But I didn't, did I, Kates?"

"You didn't. But that was a mistake, Oliver. You should've gone."

"No. It wasn't a mistake as such. I can now finish my education, and have a fall back, in case I sustain a horrible injury or something – God forbid."

"When was the last time you got hurt in a game?"

"Last year. Remember? I fell off my broom."

I frowned, and shook my head. "I don't remember that."

"Oh yeah. You'd been hit already. That Slytherin game."

"Oh, _that_ game."

I laughed slightly.

"I got a bludger to the head, and was knocked out most of the game?"

"Yeah," he smiled. "I was so worried about you, but I had to keep playing."

I smiled. "I've had a few hits to the head Oliver. I can deal with getting hit."

He touched his fingertips to my cheek again. "My tough little Kates."

"Hey, enough of the 'little'… and enough of the 'my'."

He gave me a lopsided grin. "You'll always be mine, no matter who you're with, Kates."

"You don't own me," I said, hitting his chest lightly.

"Oh yeah I do," he countered, pulling me closer to him slightly, smirking. "You'll always be mine, because I'll always love you."

I gave him a half smile. "We're never gonna get past this, are we?" I laughed.

"I don't think we are. I don't think either of us _wants_ to get past it."

"I think I _do_, Oliver," I sighed.

He kissed my forehead again. "I don't think you do. I think you still love me."

I stayed silent.

He looked at me, eyebrows slightly raised. "I'm right. Aren't I?" He said lightly.

"I …"

"You still love me."

"I might."

He shook his head. "Then why have you put us both through such an ordeal?"

"I don't want to love you anymore," I said, opening my eyes wider, stopping the tears collecting on my lashes from falling.

He placed his hands either side of my neck.

"I don't care," he whispered, before placing a kiss on my lips.

"You should," I whispered back, kissing him again. A tear fell.

"But I don't." He flipped me onto my back, so he was on top of me, and he kissed me again. Deeper this time. He pulled back. I looked up at him. His eyes were burning black. Another tear fell.

It was a sure sign I wasn't going to have much choice in the proceedings. He looked … lustful.

Albeit, so was I.

"Katie … Katie, if I kiss you again, I don't think I'll be able to control myself, so … tell me to leave now, before I go too far."

I opened my mouth in shock.

He explained, "You're too young for what I'm thinking of doing to you," he said, in that deep, sexy rumble.

"The girls'll be back soon," I said in a voice that didn't sound totally like me. It was a more choked version of my voice that came from my lips.

He climbed off of me, and I sat up. He walked quickly to the door. I followed him. I placed a hand on his arm as he reached for the door handle. He turned to look at me, and I caught his lips with mine.

He spun us round, and I was against the wall before I could think. His pelvis was pinning me to the wall, and his hands were on my waist. My hands were tangling themselves in his hair as he kissed me harder. He moaned slightly into my mouth, and I moaned in response.

This could go too far.

I pulled back, and he began kissing my neck.

"Oliver," I said, my voice sounding much more raspy than normal.

He tore his lips from me to look into my eyes.

His were totally black now. I whimpered quietly.

"We shouldn't be doing this," I swallowed, breathing hard.

"I know. But it feels good, right?" he panted, stepping away from me slightly. My knees gave way, but Oliver caught me. Thank the heavens for keeper reflexes. "Alright there?" he asked, smirking, as he held me to him.

"No," I whimpered. He picked me up, and took me over to my bed.

"I'm sorry," he said, his gentle voice returning a little.

"Don't be sorry," I said, closing my eyes, trying to regain my calm. He sat on the edge of my bed and stroked the hair out of my face. "I still love you, Oliver."

He grinned and placed a kiss on my lips.

"My lips hurt," I grumbled, and he laughed openly. I smiled at him and sat up.

"I need you back, Katie," he said softly, caressing my cheek.

I blinked, and smiled at him.

I can't believe I'm doing this again.

The smile disappeared from my face.

"We're really going to do this, aren't we?"

His hands found my waist, and he pulled me to him. "We both want each other. Why not?"

"_So_ many reasons."

I touched my lips with my finger. They felt raw and swollen. I bet I look _fantastic_ …

"I will get you, Katie Bell," he said, and with that, he left my room.

"Why did Oliver just leave this room _grinning_, Kat?" Angelina said lightly, walking in with Alicia in tow.

"And why do _you_ look so flustered?" Alicia grinned.

"I … Shut up," I grumbled.

They laughed.

&&&&&&&&&&&&


	14. Chapter 14

Maintaining Conscious Thought

I hate the fact that Oliver and I are an 'item' again.

But I _loved_ it too.

Oliver caught me on the way to every one of my classes the next day. Before Herbology; before Defence Against the Dark Arts; before History of Magic; before Divination; and before Potions. Every time he caught me, he'd kiss me against a wall.

He must like trapping a girl between a wall and himself.

Sounds like some twisted sort of … what? Fetish?

I laughed to myself as I made my way back to the Gryffindor tower after a not-so-dire Potions lesson. It was still god-awful, but not as horrific as usual.

I just turned a corner on the second floor as Oliver rounded it at the same time. I almost fell backwards, but he used his _almighty_ keeper skills, and caught me before I hit the floor.

"Hi Kates," he chirped, grinning like a madman.

"You scared me," I uttered.

"I noticed," he said cheekily, winking.

He kissed me lightly, and then righted me fully back on my feet.

"Thanks," I said.

"No problem," he smiled, lifting my hand to his mouth and kissing my palm.

What a strange place to kiss someone.

I almost laughed out loud.

"How do you always know where I am?" I asked, grinning.

"I have no idea," he said, with a contemplative look on his face. "It's coming in handy, though."

"Are you going back to the tower?" I asked.

"Mmhmm," he murmured, kissing the back of my hand.

"It's that way," I said pointing in the direction of the tower, where he'd come from. I took my hand away from his lips

"I know," he laughed. "I've been here seven years."

"Scary, huh?" I grinned.

He shook his head. "Weird. Not scary. What's _scary_ is that I'll be leaving on Sunday."

_ShutupOliver_!

"Sorry," he muttered, starting to walk towards the tower. I followed him.

He _had_ to keep bringing up the fact that he'd be leaving.

My heartbreak will never end.

Oh, how very teen movie.

Argh. Pathetic.

"Try not to think about it. Or talk about it," I said, staring resolutely straight ahead.

"You'll have to face it sometime. I won't be here next year."

I rolled my eyes. "I know, Wood."

I glanced at him. His eyebrows were raised.

"'Wood', now, is it, Bell?"

I made a sound of frustration.

"Katie, stop being so … so …"

"'So…' what, Oliver?"

"_Immature_," he said determinedly.

I stopped in my tracks, and closed my eyes.

"That word did not just come out of your mouth."

"Oh, but it did."

My eyes flew open. I could kill him.

"THE AGE THING _AGAIN_?!"

He rolled his eyes at me.

"Why do I even bother, Kates?"

"Well, apparently, you 'love' me," I said, using quote bunnies around the word 'love'.

He shook his head, a wry, twisted smile appearing on his face –a smile which totally altered Oliver's face - for the worse.

"Whatever Kat. Whatever. I don't care anymore. Think what you like. I. Do. Not. Give. A. Flying. _Fuck_."

"Nor do I," I said. "I never did!"

He gave me one last look of disgust, and stormed off.

Probably to find another total _idiot_ who'll fall in love with him.

I screamed with frustration, and slammed my shoulder against the wall. I felt pain course through my body, and I slid down the wall.

"Ow," I sobbed softly. There were still students passing, making their way to their respective towers. Not one of the noticed me on the floor.

Oliver said I wasn't alone?

I think that proves I am.

I think I should disappear now.

I stood up and leant against the wall.

"What am I thinking? This is _stupid_," I said to myself.

"What is?"

I looked up in shock at hearing Cedric's voice.

I flushed. "Nothing."

"You've been fighting again, then?"

"We only fixed things yesterday! And now everything's …"

"You two are still meant to be together."

I shook my head and glared furiously at him.

"We're not. We can't stand each other most of the time –"

"And the rest of the time you want to rip each other's clothes off. Don't you dare say that thought has never crossed your mind."

I looked up at him in shock at his words.

"I-"

He smirked at me. "He doesn't realise how much he needs you yet, Katie. If he thinks he wants you now, he's in for a shock when he's away from you. I should know."

I tilted my head to the side slightly, trying to comprehend what Cedric was telling me.

"I miss you, Kate."

I raised my eyebrows at him.

"Don't worry," he said, flashing his grin at me. "I'm not here to ask for you back."

"Good," I said, quite rudely. "Sorry," I said afterwards, flushing.

"It's fine," he replied, rather shortly. I looked up at him, and he looked at me at the same time. His ice-blue eyes were sharp, piercing into my green.

"Oliver and I won't be getting back together, Cedric. Nor will you and me. I'll just stay alone forever."

His eyes softened. "You need him, Kate."

"I don't need anyone."

He shook his head, and smiled slightly. "You're too stubborn, Katie Bell." And with that, he disappeared back into the dispersing crowd.

I _didn't_ need anyone. I was just fine alone. In fact, I was happier on my own.

Argh, you know that's bullshit, Katie.

I rolled my eyes to myself and stood up.

I was being murdered emotionally. And I couldn't do anything to stop it.

"Katie Bell? Are you alright?"

I looked at the boy who'd spoken to me. Paul Mason. He was in my year.

He looked at me questioningly. "Katie?"

"I … yeah, I'm okay. Thanks for asking, Paul."

"You don't look okay," he said doubtfully.

I flashed a grin. "I never look okay. I'm eternally miserable. See you later," I said, and began to walk away from him.

"He's not been treating you badly, has he, Katie?"

I turned around. "Who?"

"Your boyfriend. Oliver Wood."

I gave him a wry smile. "No, no. Nothing like that. And he isn't my boyfriend."

Paul's eyebrows rose.

"He hasn't been in a long time."

"Does _he_ know that?"

I barked with laughter. "I'm pretty sure he does."

"Well, you two still act like you're together. At least today, anyway. I walked past you two making out about four times."

"Hm. It would look like we were back together. But no. He's too much of an irritating arsehole for me to go out with him, Paul."

He smiled. "He always seems nice. Until you hear him talking about Quidditch …"

"Oh yeah. If you start him on Quidditch, you'll be there for hours …"

He smiled a little brighter. "Can I walk you back to your common room? I have some time to kill before I go on my prefect duties."

"Sure," I said, smiling at him.

"So," he said after a moment. "What did he do to make you so upset, if you don't mind me asking?"

"Stupid stuff," I muttered. "It always is with Oliver."

Paul nodded, not necessarily agreeing to my statement, but acknowledging it.

"It's a shame you two fight over the little things. You go so well together."

I gave him a side-long glance. "Everybody keeps saying that."

"That's because it's true," he smiled.

I sighed, and shook my head. "No. It isn't. People don't know how much we hurt each other when we fight. Well, at least, how much he hurts _me_. I couldn't speak for him on that."

"Have you ever wondered why you two can hurt each other so much?"

"No. I'm guessing you have the answer?"

"You two want each other's love so much that, as soon as a word which isn't necessarily nice comes out of the other's mouth, you're hurt, because you believe they actually mean it, when, mostly, they don't."

"We _do_ mean it."

Paul shook his brown curly head at me. "You can't believe that, Katie, or you really will let him tear you to shreds, emotionally."

We reached the portrait of the Fat Lady, finally.

Paul said goodbye to me, and left for the prefect duties he had to do.

I hate when I'm not right.

&&&&&&&&&&&&


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: Really sorry for the delay. I wrote this ages ago and totally forgot to post. Thanks everyone for reading so far, and dealing with my tardiness.  xx

Maintaining Conscious Thought

It was the last day of the summer term. Exams were finished, and most of the castle were already packed, ready to go home.

I was sitting out in the grounds, next to two couples – Alicia and George, and Fred and Angelina.

"Kat, you okay? You've been really quiet," Angelina asked from her sitting position next to Fred.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I answered without looking at her. I was examining my shoes intently, sitting away from the rest. It was extremely uncomfortable being the fifth wheel.

"Is it about Oliver?" Alicia asked.

I snapped my head up to look at her. "Not everything is about him, you know," I said snappishly.

"I know, but he's leaving today…"

"I _know_, Alicia."

"Stop snapping at me, Kat," she said impatiently, glaring at me.

I sighed, and muttered, "Sorry."

"It's fine," she replied.

"It _is_ about Oliver, isn't it?" George asked me, patting me on the arm.

I looked up at him and nodded sadly, tears gathering in my eyes.

"He hates me, and he's leaving. He'll never speak to me again. Ever."

"Oh, Katie," Angelina sighed, scooting over to sit next to me. "He doesn't hate you." She put an arm around me.

"He should," I said, wiping my tears away. "And anyway," I continued, "It's better that way. We'll go our separate ways, finally, after all this dancing around each other. But I will miss him a hell of a lot."

"Of course you will. You've been his friend for a long time," Fred consoled.

I shook my head. "I just love him too much to not see him all the time."

Angelina patted my shoulder. "You'll be alright, cookie. It'll be fine without him. He causes you too much heartbreak anyway."

"Do I, now?" The five of us spun round.

Oliver had donned a defiant expression. I thought that was rich.

"Yeah. You do," I said tonelessly, turning away from him.

Oliver seemed to struggle for a moment, before asking, "Kates, can I talk to you for a minute? Alone?"

I didn't turn around. "Nope."

"Kates …"

"I don't want to talk to you."

"But I'm leaving _today_ Katie!"

"Good."

"Why are you being like this?"

"Because I don't want to talk to you."

"Katie, I _need_ to talk to you before I leave today."

"Too bad."

"Katie, please."

"No. Get lost, Wood."

Angelina removed her arm from around me, and whispered, "Just talk to him, Kat."

I shook my head. "No," I said out loud.

He knelt beside me, and I glanced at him. His eyes were sad. "Please Kates. I need to talk to you. I won't upset you again. I promise. I swear to Merlin I won't try _anything_."

I looked at him for a long moment, before saying, "I won't forgive you, Oliver."

He nodded sadly. "I know. I just need to talk to you. Please, Kates."

I regarded him for a long moment. "Fine," I sighed, and stood up. He stood up also, as I began to walk towards the Lake.

He fell into step beside me. "Thank you," he said.

"It's the last time I'll ever see you, Oliver. We should at least say goodbye to each other."

He stayed silent at this. I was glad of that.

I stopped at the bank and looked out over the water. The sun was shining above the Highland mountains, casting an orange, peaceful glow across the land and water. The Lake glistened, and the old oak tree we stood behind rustled in the breeze.

"I want to say sorry for all that I've done to you over the six years of knowing you, Katie."

"You don't need to, Oliver –"

"No, just … just let me say it, alright?"

I glanced at him. He was staring determinedly across the horizon. "Okay," I said softly.

I returned my gaze to the Lake again as he began talking. "In your first year, I'm sorry I made fun of you for being really short-"

"Oliver-"

"Katie, let me say it."

I sighed, and nodded.

He continued. "You weren't really all that short. You were quite tall for your age. I only did it because I thought you were cute. And in your second year, when you made the team, I'm sorry I was so horrible to you. I was really hard on you, and you didn't deserve it. In your third year, I'm sorry I was so protective over you when you fell in that Slytherin game. I was so scared you were hurt. And I'm sorry for fighting Diggory. I guess you know about that now, since you dated him?"

I nodded.

"Well, I'm sorry. He was shouting his mouth off about you, so I decided to shut it for him."

I turned to look at him. "What did he say?"

Oliver hesitated. "Ask him that yourself."

"No. Oliver, tell me. What did Cedric say?"

Oliver sighed. "I don't want you to hate him. Promise me, that if I tell you, you won't get mad at him."

I nodded.

"He said … he said that if I didn't … erm … sleep with you, soon, he'd do it before me."

My mouth opened in shock. What? What! _What?!_

"Katie, don't get angry. He was a bit drunk – so was I. He didn't know what he was saying."

"Why are you defending him? I thought you hated him." I said with a slight edge on my voice.

"Because I know what it feels like to be hated by you. I wouldn't wish it on anybody."

I returned my gaze to the waters.

"Last year, I'm sorry for hating Keith Jones and Zach Floyd. I hated the fact that they realised how amazing you were before I had. I couldn't explain to myself why I felt so much loathing towards them. I only realised this year why I did. And this year … God, this year, Katie, I'm sorry for even breathing."

"Don't say that, Oliver," I said softly. "I don't regret this year. It hasn't been all awful."

"A lot of it has."

I watched as a bird flew across the surface of the water, wings skimming the surface.

"We shouldn't be together. It causes too much pain on both sides. We just don't go together, and I should have left it be. But I didn't, and I made it worse."

I nodded.

"My original reason for breaking up with you is invalid now, though. You're sixteen now. And …" He pulled out a wrapped box from his pocket and handed it to me. "I bought you this. I couldn't give it to you on your birthday, because, well … you weren't talking to me. But you can have it now. Happy Birthday, Kates."

I took the box from him and looked at it for a moment, then looked back up at Oliver.

"You can open it, Katie," he said with his famous half-smile.

I looked back at the box in my hand and un-wrapped it. There was a green box inside. I opened it, and gasped.

I took out the charm bracelet Oliver had given me. I examined it for a moment.

The bracelet was silver, with charms all round it. There was a silver letter 'K' with diamonds on it, a silver Quaffle, a broom, and a Snitch, there was a silver heart, with rubies set in it, and a silver star with diamonds set in it.

I looked back up at Oliver. "Oliver, this must've been so expensive! I can't take it!"

"Yeah you can. Think of it as our farewell gift, as well as your birthday present. And look." He turned the heart around and, engraved on the back, it said '_I'll always love you. Oliver x'._

"Oliver, it's amazing. Thank you so much," I said, fastening it around my wrist. I had tears in my eyes, so this was no easy task. Once it was on my wrist, I hugged him.

His arms wrapped around my waist, and he held me. I laid my head on his chest, looking out at the blue sky.

"You shouldn't have gotten me anything. I don't deserve anything from you. I've been awful to you all year," I murmured.

"No you haven't. I've been awful to _you_. And you deserve everything from me. I'd give you my life if you'd let me give it to you."

He rested his chin on the top of my head.

"I hate how things have turned out," I said softly.

"Me too, Katie. But I want to leave on good terms with you. If you want me to, I'll write. I'll even come to see you on Hogsmeade weekends if I can."

I shook my head against his chest. "I think … I think that we'd both be better off apart, Oliver. You should be free to see any girl you want, and not feel the need to ask me, or tell me or anything like that."

"But Kates-!" He said, pulling out of the hug slightly to look at me, panic-stricken.

"We can't, Oliver."

"Not even as friends?"

"I think we've proven that that won't work."

"It worked before."

"Only because we didn't know how we felt about each other. It'll be easier to get over our relationship if we're apart."

Oliver sighed, and pulled me against him again. "I'll miss you, Katie."

"I'll miss you too, Oliver."

We stood, embracing each other, for a long time.

"The feast will have started, Kates," Oliver said, pulling back, breaking our silence.

"Yeah," I mumbled.

"Want to skip it?"

I looked up at him. "It's your last feast at Hogwarts, Oliver."

"It's my last few hours with you."

"But it's your Graduation Feast."

"We'll go back up before they do all that. It starts at, what, six? We have an hour."

"Oliver, c'mon. Let's just go to the feast."

He nodded, and we began walking, side-by-side, back up to the castle.

And he kept his word.

He didn't try anything.

I wasn't disappointed.

Fuck it. Yes I was.

&&&&&&&&&&&&


	16. Chapter 16

Maintaining Conscious Thought

I pulled my trunk down the stairs to the common room and left it by the fire, like we did every year. The trunks would be taken to Kings Cross for everyone to collect there.

"Nice bracelet, Katie," Alicia commented, for the fifth time that evening.

"Thanks," I said, for the fifth time that evening.

"Oh, for Christ sake, Katie! Tell me who you got it from!"

I laughed at her. "It's from Oliver. I'm sure you've guessed that."

She grinned at me. "I just wanted to make sure. Was it for your birthday?"

"Yeah. As well as a goodbye present."

"'Goodbye'?" she asked, shocked.

"Yeah," I muttered. "We're not going to have any contact next year. That's it. We're done."

"Oh, Katie. Don't say that. That's horrible!"

"No it isn't. We've caused each other too much bother."

She looked at me, disbelief apparent on her features.

"Katie, I need to speak to you." I turned upon hearing Oliver's Scottish brogue.

I nodded to him, and waved to Alicia, as she indicated she was heading down to the carriages.

"What's up, Oliver?" I asked as we stepped outside the portrait hole.

"I don't want to leave." His tone was desperate, and he was looking around himself, as if he was trying to take in all that he could before the train left.

I placed an arm around his waist and hugged him. "You have to, Oliver."

He looked down at me. His eyes were sad.

"Oh, Oliver," I sighed, and touched my hand to his cheek as we stopped a little along the corridor to the Grand Staircase.

His hand took mine away from his cheek, and he held it. "Can I stay with you on the train?" he said.

"You should say goodbye to the other seventh years."

"That'll just make me sadder."

"You need to say goodbye."

"I need to say goodbye to you."

I stopped hugging him and began walking again. He followed.

"We'll say goodbye on the platform."

"Goodbye seems so final."

"It _is_ final," I answered shortly.

We didn't speak until we reached the Hogsmeade platform.

"I'll see you at King's Cross, then," Oliver said, hugged me, and departed.

I looked around to find Angelina or Alicia. I spotted the two of them and the twins at the far side of the station, looking across the crowd. George spotted me and waved, smiling. I made my way over to them, through the bustling students, getting ready to board the train with their trunks.

"We got your trunk for you," Fred said, handing it to me.

"Thanks guys."

"How was your ride down here with Oliver?" Angelina asked.

"… Quiet, to say the least."

"How'd you mean?" Alicia asked as we made our way to one of the train doors.

"We didn't talk at all."

"I thought he would've tried to convince you to be his girlfriend again. Or maybe even _propose_," George said.

I glared at him for the comment, and lifted my trunk onto the train.

"I'm sixteen, George. He wouldn't propose. He's not that stupid."

"Well, to be honest, I wouldn't be surprised if he did propose. He loves you _that much_."

"Don't start trying to make me feel guilty about this. It isn't going to work."

"He isn't trying to make you feel guilty, Katie. Maybe you feel guilty already," Angelina suggested, pulling her trunk up over the step.

I helped Alicia with her trunk. "I don't feel guilty. I don't like what I'm doing to him, but it's the best solution for both of us."

"It's the best solution for _you_," Angelina said lightly, and began pulling her trunk down the train to find a compartment. I followed her with my trunk.

"It's for both of us. I'm not trying to be selfish about this, Angelina."

"Well, you are, whether trying or not. Oliver's broken."

Angelina pushed a compartment door open, and stepped inside. I followed.

"I'm not _happy _about it, Angelina. I'm not _intentionally_ hurting him. I'm not _trying_ to break his heart. I'm trying to make this whole situation go away. The only way I can think of doing that is not speaking to him, or seeing him."

Angelina shrugged and pushed her trunk onto the luggage rack.

"You could forgive him."

"No! No, I couldn't!"

"Why _not?_ He's said he's sorry. He's genuinely sorry for what he's done, Katie. Why can't you give him a break?"

"Because I can't!"

I was shaking by now, suppressing tears. Angelina wasn't making this easier. She was taking his side, and refusing to see mine. We glared at each other across the compartment.

"What's happening?" Fred asked as he walked in, George and Alicia behind him.

I pushed my trunk onto the luggage shelf and threw myself down on a seat next to the window. Neither me nor Angelina answered Fred's query.

I drew my knees up to my chin, and sat with my head resting on my knees, arms wrapped around my legs.

"You alright, Katie?" George asked as everyone settled into their seats. I looked up at him and shook my head, letting a tear fall. Angelina was right. I was being awful to Oliver. But I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't be in love with him anymore.

"I can't love him anymore, George. Everyone thinks I'm hurting him on purpose – I'm not. I don't want to hurt him. But I can't love him anymore, and every time I hear his voice, I just love him more. I can't take it anymore," I whispered. Another tear fell.

Angelina and Fred were talking quietly to each other, so only Alicia and George had heard me.

"You'll be alright, Katie. We understand," Alicia said, reaching over George to pat me on the shoulder. "Oliver will heal. It isn't your fault this has to happen."

"It is," I said, and I swept away my tears. "If I didn't let it happen in the first place, we'd be fine. We would still be friends. We wouldn't be so broken, and so hurt."

"It was going to happen, Katie. You should know that. There was no stopping Wood this year. He liked you for so long. He was definitely going to tell you this year," George said.

"He told you that?" I asked.

George nodded, and I sighed.

"It was inevitable then. We were destined to be apart."

"You were destined to be _together_, Kat. You still are. You're going against fate," Alicia said.

"I don't believe in fate. I believe in nothing. Not any more. I thought we were going to last, Alicia. I really did. How stupid is that?" I choked slightly.

"It's not stupid at all, Katie. He made a mistake – a huge mistake. He shouldn't have broken up with you in the first place. What's in an age anyway? It's just a number. Going on maturity, I'd say you were older than him anyway," Alicia said.

"That doesn't matter. Nothing matters now. We're done. And if people want to take sides, that's fine with me. I don't care. Whatever." I looked pointedly at the other side of the compartment where Angelina sat.

"Where is Oliver, anyway? I thought he'd want to sit with you. To say goodbye and stuff."

"With the other seventh years. I didn't want him to miss his last train ride with the people he's been at school with for the best part of a decade."

"So … have you said goodbye?"

"Not yet, no."

"You'll be alright, Katie."

I looked up at George when he said this, and shook my head, wiping my tears away again.

"No I won't. I've lost one of my best friends. I love him still. No matter what he did, or whether he went out with that girl as more than just friends. I still love him. I don't know how I'll cope without him. He's been such a huge part of my life for years."

A knock sounded, and we all looked up at the door.

"Team Wood," Oliver greeted, smiled, and sat down.

Angelina sent me a look. I turned away from her, casting my gaze out the window.

"How are you all?" Oliver asked.

"Good," the twins said in unison.

"Yeah, we're all fine," Alicia said.

"Yup," Angelina chipped in.

There was a pause where no one said anything.

"Kates?"

I turned around and looked at Oliver. "Hm?"

"You alright?" he asked, looking at me cautiously.

I nodded slowly, and returned my gaze to outside again.

My eyes were welling up with tears again. I wished he'd just leave.

I still hadn't gotten my wish after half an hour. Oliver sat and talked to the other four, while I tried with all my might not to let my tears fall.

"Well, I'd better get back to the party the seventh years are having." Oliver sighed as he said it.

"No fun?" Fred asked.

"No fun. I hardly speak to anyone. I'd love to just stay here, but …"

"Stay then," I said, my face still turned to the window.

"But, Katie …"

"I don't care." I drew my knees up to my chin again, and hugged them to me. I dared not look at him. I knew I would cry if I did.

"Katie, you said …"

"And now I'm saying I don't care. Do you listen to everything I say, or something?" I half-snapped.

"Yeah. I do."

I looked up at him at this, and a tear fell, like I knew it would. I wiped my cheek.

"I don't want to upset you."

"You're not. Honestly, Oliver."

"Why are you crying, then, Kates?" he asked softly.

"It doesn't matter," I said, looking away from him again.

"Come take a walk with me, Katie."

"We're on a train, Oliver."

"I can Apparate."

I shook my head.

"Um … we'll go visit Lee if you want, Kat," George said.

"Oh, we need to go see him anyway, George. He has my Defence against the Dark Arts book," Fred said, and stood up.

And with that, the twins and the girls left.

And as soon as the door closed, I burst into tears, sobs wracking my body.

Oliver knelt in front of me. "What's wrong, Kates?" he asked, placing a hand on my knee.

Electricity ran through me as soon as he made contact.

I slowed my sobbing, and took a breath, sweeping the plentiful tears away from my cheeks.

"I shouldn't have come in here. I'm sorry, Katie."

I shook my head. "You were saying goodbye to the others."

He nodded, and wiped my remaining tears away.

"I'll miss you, Katie," he said softly, taking my hand, and causing me to feel all tingly, all the way up my arm.

I nodded. "I'll miss you too."

He brought my hand to his lips and kissed it. I closed my eyes, trying to stop the tears from flowing.

"I'm sorry it has to be like this," he said, sitting next to me.

"I'm sorry too."

There was a pause where we stared straight ahead of us, saying nothing, then Oliver spoke.

"Puddlemere still want me. I'm not going to be a starter, but I've been asked to try out for the reserves."

"That's great, Oliver," I smiled.

"Mmhmm," he said, smiling slightly back.

We fell into another silence, and this time, I broke it.

"Angelina thinks I'm hurting you on purpose. You don't think that, do you?"

He shook his head. "I know as well as you do that I was the one hurting you, so, therefore, hurt myself. I hate karma."

"I've lost too many people in my life, Oliver. And I can't believe I'm going to lose you – whether I want to or not."

"You're right though, Kates. The only way we'll get through all this is if we're apart."

I nodded, and another tear slipped from my eye.

"And tell Angelina to shut up," he smiled, touching his fingertips to my cheek.

I smiled back and took his hand away from my cheek.

"Anyway, I should go. I've got a boring party to get back to. You going to be okay if I leave you?"

"I'm a big girl, Oliver."

He smiled at that, stood up, and left.

I wiped the remaining tears from my cheeks and sighed. This was all too much drama for a teenage girl. Teenage girls aren't supposed to be in love like this. Not like this at all.

&&&&&&&&&&&&


	17. Chapter 17

Maintaining Conscious Thought

There was another knock at the door, and I looked up from my seat. Cedric opened the compartment door and stepped inside.

"Hi Kate."

"Cedric."

There was an uncomfortable pause, where Cedric and I looked at each other blankly.

"What is it?" I asked after another moment of silence.

"I wanted to talk to you."

"About what?"

"Everything?"

"What do you mean?" I asked, my eyebrow raised. He leant against the doorframe. "You can come in, Cedric."

He closed the door behind him and sat across from me in the compartment.

"How've you been doing?"

"In what sense?"

"It's a general question, Kate. In any sense you like."

"I've been fine, then. You?"

"I've been alright too. How is Oliver?"

I just looked at him blankly again. "Cedric, what is this about?"

"Everything."

"Are you sure it isn't about Oliver and I?"

"No, it was more to do with you and I."

"Cedric, there _is_ no 'you and I'. Not anymore."

"I know. So what is up with you two?"

"Nothing."

"There's always something between you two. There always has been."

"That ends today. Not that it's any of your business."

"Kate, don't be like that. I was just wondering. I thought maybe you had gotten back together with him."

"And what were you going to say if I had?"

"Nothing, Kate." He sighed. "It was a stupid thing for me to come in here. Sorry! I'll leave."

"Bye," I snapped.

Cedric rose to his feet, and stormed out of the compartment, slamming the door behind him.

For God's sake.

I hate my life sometimes.

Scratch that. I hate my life _all_ of the time.

&&&&&&&&&&&&

As the train drew closer and closer to London, I began to feel more and more nervous about my farewell with Oliver.

The twins, Alicia and Angelina had long since come back from their visit with Lee.

And Angelina had come to sit next to me, and apologised about her earlier behaviour.

I wonder who asked her to do that. AhemAliciaGeorgeahem.

Ah well. At least we're at peace again.

"So what are you going to say to him, Kat?" Alicia asked me.

I turned to her and shook my head. "I don't know. There's no easy way to say goodbye to someone you've known for six years, is there?"

I sighed and turned away from my friends. "And I'm getting a feeling that I don't _want_ to say goodbye anymore."

A hand was placed on my shoulder. Angelina.

"Sweetie, you said so yourself earlier. It is the best way you can think of to get over him. You need to get over him, so it has to be done, no matter how messy it'll be."

Wow, now, hasn't _she_ changed her tune?

I watched the countryside slide by outside the cold glass of the train window.

I _have _to say goodbye to him. I'll cry – I know I will. Well, doesn't that suck? Hah.

God, I have no idea what to say to him.

What the fuck am I going to say?!

I leant my head on the cool, dark glass.

"You feeling okay, Kate?"

I spun around to see Cedric, again. All five of us looked up. Me, glaringly; the rest, curiously.

"Yes," I replied tersely.

"Can I talk to you for a moment?" he asked, pleading me with his eyes.

"Why should I?" I asked coolly.

"I need to talk to you."

I rolled my eyes at him. "What about?"

"About why you hate me all of a sudden."

"I don't _ha-_"

"Katie, please. Will you just come outside for a minute?"

I sighed, and stood up, easing myself out of the compartment and closing the door behind me. I leant on the wall to the left of the door.

"What?" I asked tiredly.

"Wood … eh … did he tell you anything that made you hate me?"

I raised my eyebrows at the boy in front of me.

"That's a possibility."

"I thought so," he said scornfully.

"You shouldn't say something like that about someone, Cedric. Whether you were drunk or not. That's just … _vile_."

"I apologised as soon as I realised what had happened the next morning, Kate. Did he tell you _that_? And did he tell you that he promised not to tell you? Hm?"

"You shouldn't have made him keep a secret from me, Cedric."

"Look," he said, his slight anger subsiding into tiredness, "I shouldn't have said it. I know that. I know my drunken state doesn't excuse the fact that I was just downright vulgar, talking about you like that. But believe me; I would never do that to you."

I looked at him impassively. "I'm not sure I believe you there, Diggory."

"Don't hate me, Katie."

"I don't hate you," I replied, shaking my head. "I just can believe that you'd say something like that. It just doesn't fit. It wouldn't be like you at all."

"Now, now. Kate, don't you go thinking I'm some squeaky-clean teen."

"I didn't say you were. I just thought you were more dignified about it, that's all. You seemed nicer." I'll admit I was a little more than disappointed in him.

He smiled sadly. "I'm a teenage boy, Kate. Those little thoughts just don't go away. Usually I keep them under control, but while you're drunk, well … you tend to let your guard down. It was a mistake, talking about you like that."

I sighed and looked up at him. "It's fine. It was ages ago anyway. I was just worried that that was your intent when you asked me out."

"No, no, Kate. No. I liked you. That was the reason I asked you out. Nothing else."

I smiled at him. "That's good to know."

"So are we alright?" he asked, voice hopeful.

I nodded, and flashed him a grin. He grinned back.

"So, I'll see you then," he said.

"Yeah. See you," I smiled. He gave a small wave, and took off down the corridor.

I sighed and opened the door to the compartment. Two couples sprang apart at my entering.

Ew.

I raised my eyebrows at the four of them, rolled my eyes at their flushed faces, and walked back out the door.

Nooow, where to go? I am NOT staying in _there_. Far too many poorly restrained pent-up sexual frustrations for my liking.

I sighed and walked down the corridor a little.

I didn't have anyone to go and see.

Ah well. Only a little while before we stopped at King's Cross.

Ah, crap. Oliver.

"Katie, what are you doing, roaming about out here?"

"The twins and the girls are a little overpoweringly lovey-dovey at the moment. I'd rather not stay in that compartment right now."

"Oh," he said, looking at the floor for a moment. "Want to come back with me then? The seventh years are having a party …" he said, indicating behind me, where the sure signs of a party were erupting.

"That's alright, Oliver. I'll just …"

I wasn't all too sure what I'd do, so I just left that hanging.

"We don't have to go back-"

"I'll be fine on my own, Oliver."

He blinked, then sighed. "I'm not leaving you on your own, Kates. Where are you going to go? There's at least half an hour left. You won't have anyone to talk to."

"I can deal with that."

"But I'd feel guilty."

"Don't."

Oliver met my gaze properly for the first time in the whole conversation.

"What's wrong, Kates?" he asked.

I looked up at him and shrugged.

"I guess I'm just feeling a little … I dunno. Cast aside?"

"Again?" he asked softly.

"At least I'm not on the floor crying my eyes out this time," I smiled.

"You don't have to feel left out. You can stay with me."

I shook my head. "I don't mind being on my own for a little while, Oliver. It's just that … well, that's what it's going to be like from now on, isn't it?"

"What do you mean?"

"It's not like I don't like Angelina and Alicia being with Fred and George … but they're my best friends … and sometimes I just feel uncomfortable if they're all there. It feels like I shouldn't be there. And with you gone next year," I said the last sentence with my eyes downcast, "I'll have no one to go to when I feel like that."

"It sounds to me like you're going to miss me, Kates," he said softly, placing his hand on my cheek and smiling.

I placed a hand on top of his. "I didn't say I wouldn't."

He smiled sadly, and took my other hand, pulling me into a hug.

I wrapped my arms around him and rested my head on his chest.

"You promise me that if you feel like that again, write to me. As soon as I get it, I'll drop everything and come and see you."

I looked up and shook my head, smiling. "Don't make promises you can't keep, Oliver. And we're supposed to be breaking off our contact with each other _today_."

His face fell. "Oh yeah," he said softly. I rested my head on his chest again, listening to his heart beat.

"I'm going to miss being like this with you, Katie," he said, his hands resting low on my back. I felt him inhale slowly, and pull me closer to him.

"I'm going to miss you being able to comfort me so effectively," I mumbled, looking up at him, sadness apparent on my features. He looked back at me with a similar expression.

"Oh, Kates. Don't look so sad," he said quietly.

I placed my head on his chest again, and sighed. "I don't feel like I _can_ be happy anymore, Oliver."

"You can. Where's my little happy Katie gone?" he asked softly.

"She left when all of this happened," I sighed, and looked up at him again.

"Oh,Kates. I don't know what to do anymore."

"Neither do I."

He sighed and placed a kiss on my forehead. He lingered for a moment, and then looked at me as he pulled away.

"I love you, Katie."

"I love you too," I said sadly.

"Why are we doing this?"

"Doing what?"

"Saying goodbye. Why?"

"You know why, Oliver," I said weakly.

"No. No I don't. We love each other, Katie! We _both love each other_!"

"It won't work, Oliver. We talked about this-"

"No. _You_ talked about it! I just stood there and agreed. I shouldn't have. I thought it was bullshit all along."

I stepped out of Oliver's arms and looked at him helplessly. "But it'll never work …"

"I'll _make_ it work."

I shook my head and stepped further away from him.

"Please, Kathryn."

"I'll see you on the platform," I said, not meeting his eye, and heading off back to the compartment.

"I love you!" he called after me.

I glanced back at him. The look on his face was tear-worthy. He looked so heart broken.

I turned away from him and took a breath. I carried on walking to the compartment, knocking before I entered this time. George opened the door to me, and looked at me weirdly.

"Why did you knock?" he asked, stepping aside.

"Because I didn't want to walk in on anything," I said stoutly.

I received four frowns. "Sorry Katie," Fred muttered, and the rest nodded as I sat down on my original seat.

"Don't apologise," I said batting their sorry out of the air. Hypothetically, of course.

"You look awful upset, Kat," Angelina said, looking at me worriedly.

"Ran into Oliver," I said quietly, gazing out of the window. "And I realised that I might be making a mistake."

"Oh Katie," Alicia said sympathetically, patting my knee. "Go with your heart … and your gut."

"That's just it," I said, turning around to look at them all. "My gut is telling me to walk away. My _heart_ … my heart isn't one for agreeing with the rest of me," I said miserably.

George sat down next to me and put an arm around my shoulders. "I don't know what to tell you, Katie," he sighed, and squeezed my shoulders. "You need to do what you think is right, and stick to it. I'm not going to pretend that I don't think Oliver is good for you – because I do. I think he's the best matched guy for you. But if you think saying goodbye to him on that platform today, and never speaking to him again is best, then you should do that. But you have to make that decision pretty soon. We only have about fifteen minutes on the train left, and we'll be in London. And you need to be positive. Because that decision could make or break his heart."

I gave a dry sob and covered my face with my hands, and hunched over so my elbows were resting on my knees. "There are so many reasons why I should stop this, and so many reasons why I should re-kindle it. I don't know what to do, guys. I really don't."

George patted my back.

"Maybe you shouldn't make it final today. Maybe write to him when you've had a chance to think about it," Alicia suggested.

"I don't know, guys. I mean, I was so sure that I'd be breaking it off with him today. Why do I get all of these second thoughts at the last moment? I was _so sure_," I sighed.

"Because you love him too much to lose him?" Angelina said this with a slight question in her voice.

I looked at her. "Even if I did love him too much, I'd have to do it anyway. We're just not good together – friends or otherwise."

"You two were _perfect_ together, Katie. You can't bullshit us," Alicia said.

"We were not perfect. We fought all the time …" I said, turning my gaze to the floor.

"Only because you loved each other so much. Me and Fred fight all the time!" Angelina expressed, motioning with her hand between herself and the Weasley twin. Fred nodded along with her.

"Look, Katie, Oliver and you were great together. When you were on good terms, you were so _happy. _And, of course, like any other relationship, when you were on bad terms, you were definitely _un_happy. Your relationship with him was pretty regular. A lot of couples fall out over age differences, and other trivial things that most people can see past. A lot of couples find the difficulties you and Oliver found. But, I really am sorry to say it, Katie, you over-dramatized one silly little problem, and you ruined the whole relationship."

"No, really. Tell me what you really think, George. I won't be upset," I said sarcastically.

"I'm sorry, but all of this _is_ your fault."

"It is _not_!" I cried, outraged. "He made a million more mistakes than I did!"

"He made mistakes. But you blew them totally out of proportion – so much so, you forgot everything Oliver means to you. And I don't think you've totally regained your memory yet."

"I remember just _fine_, Weasley. You have no right to-"

"I've been holding back saying this for a long time, Katie. So, what? You're going to hate _me_ now? Is that it? After all that I've put up with-"

"You didn't _have_ to listen to me-!" I cried, affronted.

"Oh, yes, I did Katie. Because I'm your friend and that's what friends do, no matter if they think you're doing something wholly _stupid_ with your life."

George and I glared at each other across the compartment.

"_Enough_, you two!" Alicia cried, looking incredibly surprised. "I have _never_, in all the years of knowing the both of you, heard you talk like that to each other! Especially _you_, George!" she said, turning to George.

"I've never _wanted_ to talk to Katie like that in all the years of knowing her. It's just _this_ year she's decided to be a total ditz!"

"Excuse me? 'A total ditz'?!" I asked, outraged.

"_Yes_, Katie. A ditz. You've totally lost yourself in all of this! I don't have a clue who you are anymore."

I took a breath slowly, then let it out in a sigh. "Neither do I. I'm sorry, George. You're right."

He sighed and took my hand. "You're not a ditz. I'm sorry, Katie. I shouldn't have said that. I shouldn't have said any of that."

"Why shouldn't you? It's all true. We all know it's all true. I … I'm going to go for a walk," I said, stood up, and left the compartment, leaving it in total silence.

I made my way down the corridor of the train and stopped next to a window. I gazed out, watching the city lights flash by.

George was right. This was my fault. But how in hell was I supposed to put it right now? It was far too late for all that.

I'd have to say goodbye to him still.

I still don't know what I'm going to say to him.

The train began to slow. We were really close to the station.

Could I just leave, and not say goodbye to him? I suppose if I did that he'd write to me and ask what the fuck happened. I could … I could tell him I had to go, and say goodbye really quickly?

No. I couldn't. I need to do this properly.

I wiped a tear from my face, which had been threatening to fall when I was in the compartment, and headed back there. I found my trunk outside the compartment already, and looked through the open door only to see George standing, with his trunk in his hand. I pointed at my trunk, and he nodded. I took the handle and began dragging it off the train.

"Kat, I'll write, okay? I'm sorry about earlier," he said softly.

"It's alright George. Tell the others to write too. See you," I said, as I waved at him. He gave a small wave and a smile in return.

&&&&&&&&&&&&


	18. Chapter 18

Maintaining Conscious Thought

I proceeded pulling the trunk to the nearest exit. As I got there, I saw Oliver waiting outside. I stood at the exit, and he looked up.

"Hey, Kates," he said quietly, helping me down, and then taking the trunk off of the train too.

"Thanks, Oliver." He smiled, and put both his and my trunks on the trolley which stood beside him.

He looked at me when he had finished.

"Shall we, then?" he said, quietly again. I nodded a little, looking away from him. "You alright, Kates?" I nodded again, still not meeting his eye. He touched my shoulder. My eyes flickered to his.

"I was so sure about this," I muttered, beginning to walk along the platform to the hidden gateway.

"About what?" he asked, pulling the cart behind him as he followed me.

"About doing this today," I said shaking my head. I turned abruptly, and Oliver stopped only about an inch away from me. I looked up at him, and he coughed nervously, stepping away from me. "I was so sure," I whispered, and turned away again, still making my way to the gateway.

"Oh," he said, following me once more. "Are you still going to do it?"

"Of course I am," I half-snapped, throwing him a glance over my shoulder. "I have to, Oliver. This can't go on."

He pulled me by the elbow to the side of the platform, and turned me to look at him. "Let's do this now, Katie. I can't stand it anymore."

"I … okay." I took a breath and looked up at him. His face was like stone. "You know, Oliver, I don't want to do this. Of course I don't. You're one of my best friends, and I love you. I don't want to let you go today. I love you too much to lose you. And yet, so many things have gone wrong in our relationship. I don't know why I thought what we had would work. Even with being just friends with you cause at least one major fight a month. Why did I think that having a relationship with you change that? It was stupid of me, but … but I liked you so much, and I didn't want to lose you, and I thought it might stop the yelling.

"But the thing about _you_ yelling at me is that you can hit every weak spot in me with a strategic blow. And you use your unusual ability to find those weak spots to your advantage. It _hurts_ when you fight with me. You knew I was sensitive to the fact that I was younger, and you knew I was worried about you leaving, and throughout this year, those subjects have been brought up a fair few times.

"Though, through everything that's happened this year, I still love you a hell of a lot, Oliver. But we still need to say goodbye today."

"Why?" Oliver asked, wiping a tear from my cheek.

"You know why, Oliver. _I_ was the one that screwed up. I'm not blaming the whole thing on you. I turned into a psycho-bitch. You made a few small mistakes – like everyone does in relationships. And, of course, me, being me, blew those small mistakes way out of proportion. And I'm sorry I screwed up. You've said sorry too many times for things you did. I should have been the one apologising all along. I'm so sorry, Oliver."

"You don't need to apologise, Katie. We both made mistakes. And take into account, my mistakes _caused_ your mistakes. So don't go and plant even half of the blame on yourself. We both ruined what we had." He slowly pulled me into a gentle hug. It was as if he thought I was made of glass, and I might break if he touched me.

"I _love_ you, Oliver," I sobbed, finally letting my emotions take over.

"I love you too, Kates. I love you so much."

"I'm so sorry."

"I'm sorry too."

I looked up at him, and he looked down at me.

"There isn't anything left to say," I said softly, wrapping my arms around him tightly.

We kept looking at each other for a long moment, until Oliver's lips grazed mine.

We kissed for a second, until I dragged my lips from his.

"Goodbye, Oliver," I said softly, tears falling down my cheeks.

"Goodbye, Katie," he said just as softly, a tear running a single track down his cheek. I sobbed at seeing him cry, and hugged him tightly again. He hugged me back, and kissed my hair. "I'll miss you for forever. I can't believe this is it."

"I'll miss you too, Oliver. So much."

We stepped away from each other, and I took a breath, letting it out slowly.

"C'mon. We'd better get you to your family."

"And you to yours."

He smiled and grabbed the trolley again, and we both walked through the portal.

"Katie!" my mother squealed, running at me and grabbing me, pulling me into a fierce hug.

"Hi mum," I laughed.

"And Oliver! How are you, dear?"

"I'm good, thank you, Mrs Bell."

"Really, Oliver. How many times have I told you to call me Roisin?" she reprimanded playfully.

"Ah, Katie! How's my little girl?" I turned and saw my father. I smiled, and ran to hug him.

"Hi dad," I said.

"Hey sis," my brother, Adam grinned.

"Adam! I haven't seen you in forever!" I grinned back, hugging my twenty-three year old brother.

"Oliver. How're you doing, son?" my father asked of Oliver.

"Great, sir. I've finally graduated," he smiled. "Have you seen my parents anywhere, Mr Bell?"

"Grahame, Oliver. And yes, I have. Here, they're coming now." My dad waved over Oliver's shoulder.

We both turned to see Oliver's parents and older sister, Jade, walking up to us with huge grins on their faces.

"My baby boy's a graduate!" his mother, Georgia cried, hugging her son.

"Well done, son," Oliver's dad, Evan said, clapping Oliver on the back.

"Hi there, _Ollie_," Jade said, grinning at her little brother, and hugging him just like her mother had.

"Hi, _Jadie_," he mocked her name, just as she had his. As she pulled out of the hug, she slapped his arm lightly.

"Hey," he protested, but laughed anyway.

"How are you doing then, Katie?" Oliver's mum asked me.

"I'm okay, thanks, Mrs Wood."

"_Georgia_, Katie. Such formalities!" she laughed, and I laughed too.

"Katie." I turned from Oliver's mum to Oliver himself.

"Oliver?"

"Don't do this." His voice was just above a whisper, and his face looked pained.

"We have to, Oliver. We talked about this…"

"I can't."

I shook my head and turned back to my family.

"Please, Katie."

"I can't, Oliver," I repeated, closing my eyes.

"You can, Katie. You can do everything."

I turned around to look at him. "I can't do _this_."

"I can't give up on you."

"You have to, Oliver. Just get on with life. You'll be off playing Quidditch and enjoying yourself. Forget about me."

"You're too much of my life for me to forget."

He pulled me into a hug, and kissed my forehead. "I love you, Kates," he whispered, so that none of our families heard.

"I love you too," I whispered back.

"Awww," Jade taunted, hugging us both at the same time. "Look at the two _lovers_ all cosy over here!"

"Shut up, Jade," Oliver said.

"Why? I was only joking … hold up. Are you two…?" Comprehension dawned on her features.

"No … Well, not anymore," Oliver answered, sighing, never breaking eye contact with me.

"Why not? You two are perfect together!" she gushed, and I threw her a glance. She looked totally confused.

We both ignored her.

"Well, okay then … I'll grill you later, little brother," she said, turning and leaving.

"Katie! We need to go! Your brother is taking us out for dinner!" my mum called, and I looked back at Oliver.

"I need to go, Oliver."

"I love you."

I nodded, and hugged him. "Goodbye, Oliver."

With that, I turned to leave. My mother smiled at me as I approached, and we began walking towards the nearest exit of the station. And then I made the biggest mistake of all. I looked back.

Oliver stood watching as I left, defeated.

It was the look in his eyes that made me turn and run to him. I crashed into his arms and sobbed. He held me for a moment before moving back to look at me.

"Your mum's waiting, Kates."

"I don't care," I choked, and kissed him.

**.FIN.**

&&&&&&&&&&&&

A/N: Well, that's it. Chapter 18 brings the story to a close. Thanks so much for reading.

Love, Storm-and-Faith. xxx


	19. Author's Note

Hello there.  Just a little Author's Note to clear up a few things.

First of all, yes, Katie did stop being an idiot. Haha. I know, I know, took her long enough, right? It was annoying me too, but that was the original plan for the story – Oliver makes a mistake, Katie overreacts, and keeps overreacting until the very end. To be honest, although I wrote it, don't you think Oliver was an idiot for putting up with it for so long? Haha. Any guy _I _ know would walk away and never talk to the girl again. :p

Secondly, I'd like to take this chance to thank everyone who reviewed throughout the story. It's actually the longest I've ever written. I'm horrible at writing long stories, because I lose concentration easily. But you all made it a lot easier to do, so thank you. 

And thirdly, if you liked the story, be lovely to me and have a wee gander at my other stories. They're mostly one-shots, but I personally recommend … hmm … 'Of Accents and Kisses' annnd … 'Fractured Fragile Fragment'. I think I like those best. Yes …  And if you like those, it'd be lovely if you'd give them a review too.

Again, I thank you very much. 

Storm x


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